Long distance? Any experiences

[Ms23]

So I met a man 2 weeks ago. We're both in our early 30s. He had been working in the uk but lives in the US. We went on a couple of dates but he has now gone home. I didn't really think it would turn into anything but we've been chatting for hours every day.

Its not an issue right now but I feel like I need to start thinking about whether this is something I should end now or keep going with and potentially end up in too deep with someone I will probably never live in the same country as!

My situation is that I have no DC and would be happy to relocate eventually- same with him. But I'm far to sensible to do this for a man I've only met in person a few times or allow him to do the same! At the moment I don't have the means to visit him but am working on some qualifications which will make me more employable in my field and should be able to get a job with enough income to travel a bit. These qualifications also mean I am really busy at the moment and a long distance relationship is all I really have time for!! that will change in a few months though.

If you have got this far then thank you for listening to my early morning ramblings. Would appreciate some pearls of wisdom!

I would be very reluctant to even think of making long terms plans based on a two week 'relationship'.

If you enjoy chatting with him, chat with him, but planning a future with a guy you don't know and will not get to know (in person) seems a little silly.

Hi op

My Dh and I basically started like this - he's American, was visiting the UK, we met in July, spent a weekend and few days together, he went home, we had visits in Sept, Nov and Dec and in the last visit he proposed. He moved over here in Feb last year and now we're married with a son

So, long distance can work ime, if you want it to x

Ps Skype is incredible at keeping things alive

Thanks for the replies! To be honest I highly doubt that it will turn into anything serious but its nice to have someone to chat to that likes me (and I like him!) and is really intelligent and interested in what I have to say after years with an ex who really took me for granted. I think best case scenrio we will chat for a while and it will fizzle out when one of us meets someone in our own country. There would certainly be no hard feelings on my part just now (but of course I may get too attached - hard to tell after 2 weeks!!). I'm just worried that I'm being selfish letting it go on though - what if he wants more that I'm prepared to give?! Probably overthinking!!

Yes, I think you are over thinking it. Try to enjoy the time you have with him without anticipating problems that might never occur.

Have fun!

Same story at mustardtomango. Friends on line through a common interest for 18 months, holiday together just as friends. Second holiday, not just as friends. Third visit. Took the plunge.

However, what you see is not always what you get. There are aspects that you don't see, no matter how much you talk on line. Mind you I suppose that's the same for every relationship. We came very close to splitting up though before we turned the corner and things went a lot better for us, our son and now we have another on the way.

But keep your feet on the ground, your head on straight and keep a good instinct for self preservation no matter how much in love you are. Seriously.

btw, that was UK - Netherlands relationship.

actually I think it's wise to think about whether there's a possibility of a future before you get in too deep. not from a "I'm in love, when can I move and have your babies," perspective, but from a "I like this guy, but he lives 4000 miles away. What if I fall for him, is there any chance of being able to make it work?" one. because there's no point in entering into a relationship with someone where you run the risk of falling in love and then getting seriously hurt because logistics make it unworkable. it's better to be realistic from the outset as to whether a relationship has potential while you're still thinking straight and in a position to let go, rather than a year down the line when you've seriously fallen for him, have seen him again and have to face the reality that you can never be together.

Nobody's saying that you can't have fun or that you have to plan for the future, just that it's wise to consider whether, if feelings were to develop, there could actually be a future, and if not whether you should walk away now before potentially getting hurt.

i did long distance for a year. slightly different as i had known the guy, well at least knew of him as he is my friends neighbour for 5 years, then last year he finished travelling and was home more, i visit my friend who lives in a different country to me very often. we got chatting a bit more, and continued to chat ALOT after i went home last summer.

we didnt put any labels or presurre on anything. we just chatted and it just progressed. after a few months we started visiting each other for a weekend every 4-6 weeks (got to love ryanair). we were always honest about how we felt, and what page we were both on making sure know one was leading the other on or wanting more than the other was ready or willing to give. i would say dont over think it, if he fun to chat to then chat and see what happens. you may chat for a few weeks then it will fizzle out, or you may discover something you really dont like about him and/or never see him in any light other than as a friend. or you may discover you want more, but be honest and voice it if you notice it starting to happen. he can only say he doesnt feel the same way, which would prevent you getting to attached if it wasnt going to go anywhere.

Thanks for all your answers. I dont think a long term attachment is going to be a problem now - nothing I can put my finger on at the moment but he seems a little too keen too early! Not sure if its just me freaking out but I'll proceed with caution