Why has this had such an effect on me?

[fiveandthree]

Actually not sure of that should be affect? Grammar fail..

At the weekend I went to a Xmas dinner/dance type thing with friends, at their sports club. Big group of people there. I was sat at dinner next to a friend of theirs. And we literally didn't stop talking for 3 hours over dinner. To the extent that others in the group kept interrupting us to say they'd make us swap chairs etc so we had to talk to other people. We did circulate after that, but gravitated back to talk to each other fairly quickly.

I'm not sure I've ever found conversation that easy, or met anyone that interested in speaking to me, certainly not for that length of time and I just feel a bit surprised and almost shocked by it (that might be the wrong word for what I mean)

Is this quite normal, and I'm just odd? (I probably am!) It was just something that's never happened to me before.

I should add there's nothing of any romantic nature in it, before anyone thinks that! He is very happily married, and I am currently dating someone lovely, which I hope will develop into a relationship. So there was really no hidden agenda or anything.

Yeah its normal. Sometimes people just get on, if only for one evening.

You made a connection with someone, found a friend. I think it's rare enough to be special and no, I don't think it makes you odd.

It's normal to 'click' with certain people; you're lucky you weren't chained to a crashing bore.

However, I note your *"To the extent that others in the group kept interrupting us to say they'd make us swap chairs etc. so we had to talk to other people. We did circulate after that, but gravitated back to talk to each other fairly quickly."

To me that smacks of you perceiving this as some kind of possible 'spark', 'frissons', call them what you will. To your friends, once the amusement passed I'm sure they thought you were both a little rude, not some kind of giddy Romeo & Juliet.

I expect you'll be quick to dispute this but you could just as easily have posted, "Do you know, I went to a dinner/dance and had the most interesting time talking to somebody about everything under the sun for most of the night..."

Be careful, OP. Really.

Helps to know it's a normal thing, if perhaps a rare one. I'm a very amenable, easy to get on with person generally in social situations, so it's not like I don't ever speak to people, but it's more chitchat in a group that I'm used to, not such a long conversation with one person.

I'm not being smart or anything but do you get out much?

Same thing has happened to me twice, once with a woman and once with a man. Nothing sexual, but it was a bit like falling in love in the sense that (with the woman in particular) we craved each other's company. We met at work and would often spend 2-3 hours after work chatting in the office a couple of times a week. After about a month of working together I was closer to her than any other friend. We only worked together for 6 months 6 years ago but we're still close despite living in different countries. We talk on the phone only once every couple of months and see each other maybe once a year but out of all my friends she is the one I feel most connected to.
In times gone by it was called "kindred spirits." It's lovely and very special :)

I don't know, maybe I was flattered a little, men generally aren't interested in talking to me, certainly not to such an extent. I certainly am not thinking of it in any romantic way though, so no worries on that score.

And yes, I do get out often, thanks :)

It sounds a very nice evening =) just next time make sure you circulate a bit more! :)

And if it helps, effect is the noun and affect the verb.
To affect something.
To cause an effect.

So, you got it right the first time.

And yes, I have had men I talk a lot to but no romantic involvement or feelings at all.

Hm, do you think this thread might be a case of mentionitis, OP...

Do be careful. Things can creep up without you realising it sometimes.

I'm a bit naive and feel very safe around 'happily married men'. Even they can turn out to be snakes at times.

But if it's really just a case of you having got on well with someone, then no, no problem at all!

I'm only wondering why 'getting on with someone' is threadworthy.

As an enjoyable one off, no problem.

Just make sure it stays a one off though - don't meet a married man à deux, and don't get monopolised by him again. Or indeed anyone else - when you're out with a group, enjoy the whole group.

hmm, do you mean the man you are dating isn't very interested in talking to you in depth? you say 'men usually don't pay THAT much interest' or something similar. That's not so good - you should be in relationship woth a man who is very interested in what you have to say or in you generally.

There's really no chance of anything creeping up on me honestly - he isn't someone I'm likely to see again, or at least not for a very long time.

Possibly it isn't threadworthy, by some people's standards, but for me it was a really rare thing...like I said I am odd, so that might be this kind of thing doesn't happen more often!

The man I'm dating is actually interested in talking to me, he's probably the first man I've been involved with who has been - I've told him more about myself (through him asking, not just me banging on about my life in some horribly self-obsessed way!) in 8 weeks than my XP knew after 8 years.

I wasn't trying to be offensive by saying it isn't threadworthy, sorry if it was. Just that I know myself, and the only reason I'd start a thread like this is because I would want to talk about it/him.

I suffer dreadfully from mentionitis if I like someone

Oh I definitely liked him as a person - just not in 'that' way. I suppse he's the sort of guy it would have done me good to meet 15-20 years ago, rather than the losers and idiots I hung around with, and managed to form (unsatisfactory) relationships with. Had I realised there were more men like this I might have set my standards higher back then!

Hindsight is a wonderful thing of course :)

OP, if it helps, I think I'd be very taken aback too. I've only experienced that kind of thing a handful of times - with my DH, with my ex, and with a couple of friends. And I think what makes your experience seem to noticeable is that you'd never met this person before, so it seemed especially quick and sudden. I've had similar things with friends, but in the sort of situation where I'd known them a bit beforehand, but just not well, so that first real 'click' doesn't stick in the head so much.

Other than that it's something I associate more with those wonderful immediate intense unselfconscious friendships you get in childhood.

And I've had this platonically with men, too.

Apologies from me, fiveandthree, I believe your post is exactly what you say it is with no other motive than commenting in wonderment at the connection you felt. Sorry! :)

Not sure if that is somewhat tongue in cheek...but no need to apologise! :)