XP, DC and weed- wwyd?

[Holdyourhobbyhorses]

I collected dc from xp's home and saw evidence of weed smoking - the place stank of it and there were little bits scattered on the floor and coffee table in amongst dc's toys. I don't usually collect dc from there so no idea if that's a regular occurence.

There's a bigger picture of a history of verbal/emotional abuse and issues around contact- xp making demands and then disappearing for months on end.

I have always supported and encouraged regular, consistent contact but of course want my dc to be safe, happy and emotionally supported. What to do for the best?

If you're not happy with any aspect of his parenting or behaviour, raise it with him. Is the contact formal or just something you've arranged yourselves?

No formal arrangement. If I raise the issue he'll deny it/ lie about it, but it wouldn't stop him doing it. There is form for this when we lived together. He told me he'd stopped.

Would this not bother anyone?

Hell yes. Mg child wouldn't be going back to a house where I knew somebody was smoking weed around my child. Bits in amongst toys?! Just no.

I would make it clear I knew what I'd seen/smelt and ask him about it. Next step. If I felt necessary I would either supervise contact or use contact centre.

If there is no formal arrangement and he denies everything when you raise the problem simply withhold contact, start keeping very careful records of any communication or evidence of his aggressive/anti-social behaviour and get legal advice. Put the onus on him to prove in a court why he should have access rather than putting your DCs in harm's way.

I would have alarm bells ringing in my head. Do you want your DC to see him using and think this is the norm? I would also be concerned in case DC picked up and ate any of the bits you saw around your DCs toys.

He has and continues to further control you since the split; this is probably also why there are no formal access arrangements in place. He still wants to control you and he can still jerk your chain.

I would not send the children there any longer but instead formalise contact arrangements. Chances are he'll start throwing his toys out of his pram and get real nasty when you start doing that but you need to show him how serious and strong you actually are. You also know what he's really like and such people only care about their own selves. He does not give a fig for his children.

The weed smoking in itself is not a big issue - I'm not a fan but it isn't as bad as other things he could be doing. He should keep it out of the way of the children though and not leave it lying around and certainly not smoking in front of them. It's something he does in the back garden in his own time not polluting their air. Agree you should get formalised care arrangements.

And he should not be stoned when they are staying that's like being drunk in charge of kids.