Why would your ex partner read your text messages?!!

[BigChocolateOrange]

Just that really. ExP dumped me about a month ago because I'm not the same person he fell in love with. Last week whilst seeing DD at my house he decided to have a look through my text messages whilst I was out of the room. He only looked at messages between me and one make friend who he has always had an issue with, and then he went mad at me. I did of course tell him that it was none of his business who I text, but I can't understand why he would do this when he finished with me, and for the reason he did?! Any ideas?!

*male friend, obvs.

Why would your ex partner read your text messages?!!

Because he's an arse.

Ignore him, and don't let him in your house or access to your phone.

Jealousy, still thinking he has rights in you. Tehre's a possessive streak in a lot of men. Just because he broke up with you, doesn't mean he can't still check your life. In his mind.

Put a PIN on your phone and don't leave anything lying around that's remotely private.

Why? Because he's looking for reassurance that you haven't moved on, and are still hurting. Like he is.

To keep you on the back foot. To start to rewrite history so the break-up was your fault. Just because he can (password protect your phone). To start to make life difficult before you get your contact arrangements sorted, so they will favour him (such as contact being held at your house).

The list is endless. It doesn't really matter; this man is not your friend. His reason for dumping you sounds extremely weak and he may be about to 'meet' someone else and wants it to look like you've both moved on before she is revealed.

You did the right thing by calmly stating it's none of his business, but crabby is right, he can't have access to your home.

All very good points, and things I'd considered myself. I just don't see why he wants to make things even worse for me considering how much he's hurt me already?

That's his power isn't it? If he can fuck you up, then he's still a big man. Twat that he is.

Don't let him in.

My ex did the same thing and demanded to know who was.

I took great delight in telling him he was a man I was dating and it was fuck all to do with him!

If I suspected my recent ex may have had something going on before the end of the relationship, I think I might look for closure myself.

But he's got absolutely no reason to suspect anything. I've got PND and I've barely left the house for months!

Well he's just checking that's still the case, he's checking you haven't moved on...

I don't think he's in a position to "suspect" anything anyway given that he dumped you.

Tell him to fuck off.

he still thinks he owns you - prove him wrong. keep him out of YOUR house, away from YOUR things and tell him YOUR life is none of his business.

Because he is nosey, and because you left your phone with him without a pin.

Put a password on it and don't leave it with him incase he pockets it out of spite.

Its none of his business as you rightly pointed out. Hope you are getting help with pnd.

He's no right to nose in your life.

He left you. Therefore he has no further 'claim'

Tell him to FTFO, or you'll make him do doorstop pickups/dropoffs.

All of the above.

However, rather than telling him to fuck off, a rather satisfying alternative (employed by a colleague when her exH did the same) is to text him letting him know that you do have sympathy that he's clearly finding it difficult to let go, and you take no pleasure in the fact that he's finding it harder to move on than you are... just because you'd have no interest in who he was texting, doesn't mean you should assume he feels the same! No, you will be more sensitive to his troubles in the future, and think that it would be easier for him if, for a start, contact took place elsewhere. Maybe that will be easier for him :)

I'd probably be sending him emails reporting every new text I receive and send (email is cheaper). Obviously made up, but it would fill his email box for at least a week.

OK. He sounds like a controlling, jealous arse. It's unacceptable for a PARTNER to read your texts for no reason (ie, you didn't tell him "Please can you check to see what time my sister said she's arriving?" or similar) - even more boundary-stomping for an EX.

"You're not the person I fell in love with" is probably code for "I can't push you around as much as I thought I could" or "Since we had a child, I'm not the centre of your world any more" (well, duh!)

He really should be seeing DD elsewhere. It's important for you to have your space which is not encroached on by him.

Thank you all for your further wise words. I think I will be having another chat with him.

Make his contact with the child away from your house. One strike, he is (or should be) out

TalkativeJim, I like the cut of your jib! :) nice one!

Yeah, Jim I do like that suggestion!