Found out DP has restarted AntiDs, how should I approach this?

[letsbehonest100]

I have been with DP 8 months but have known him for years. We got together a year after I ended an EA relationship (thank you mumsnet) and it has been an utter revelation to spend time with a truly lovely man.

We get on well, talk lots, listen lots, have fun and the sex is brilliant. He has been very supportive in helping me not to allow myself to be bullied by EXH, and he has been very slowly getting to know DS (5). I would say we are pretty close, we see each other around 4 times a week (would be more but I am keen to keep things a little separate from DS), both happily say that we love each other, and (until now) have been open and honest about everything.

From discussions we have had I know he has suffered in the past with anxiety. He has a very very stressful job and he explained that this is where his anxiety generally stems from, and that sometimes it becomes hard to manage and as a result he has taken antidepressants from time to time. At the time of our discussion he said he was not taking ADs at the time but that he does have a tendency to 'stop and start' them.

I did try to gently ask about the 'stopping and starting' as it sounds like something that GPs tend to discourage, but he explained that he feels that he doesn't want to be taking drugs permanently, however sometimes when he stops he feels the need to restart after a period of time.

I discovered, (while noseying in his medicine drawer- I know, I know, my own stupid fault and not something I am proud of), that he has very recently restarted taking the ADs. I have absolutely no issue with the fact that he takes them, however I feel as though its something I would like to be in the open between us.

He has been a rock to me, I love him dearly and I feel that I want to support him in whatever he is going through at the moment. On the other hand, I do not want to pry (and admit I found them). If I'm brutally honest I'm disappointed that he hasn't talked to me about the fact that he is struggling- I'm not sure if this is reasonable though because, after all, he has every right to deal with this in his own way.

I do know that his work is particularly stressful at the moment. He admitted a few weeks ago that it is troubling him, and that he was struggling to 'switch off', he's also experiencing broken sleep and I don't think he has been honest about quite how bad this is becoming.

I would love some advice on how to tackle this, or whether I should leave it alone? Is his taking ADs my business? I tend to deal with problems by talking to friends or DP, this somehow makes me feel very much better- but I'm aware it's not everyone's preferred strategy so I'm wary of pushing a discussion.....

All thoughts very gratefully received!

OK, my immediate thoughts are; if he's stopping and starting, it might well be that his GP knows. My GP knows when I repeat a prescription, and she reviews my meds on a 6 monthly basis. There are regular dosage nudges between times. She can tell from her screen how regularly I've refilled that prescription.

Whether this is a safe thing to do largely depends on what he's taking. I was taking something where it was relatively safe to nudge the dose up and down, and it was on my notes that I could do so - basically every now and again the side effects would flare up and I'd need to reduce for a bit. I'm not on that drug any more, and now I can't vary my dose as much.

But... unfortunately at the moment it isn't really your business. It's up to him to decide who to tell and discuss this with. You can be receptive, but you can't choose how he handles it.

If you were years into your relationship, I might see it differently, but I'm trying to decide how I'd feel if I was with someone at 8 months - would I share with them? I don't know, to be honest. I don't think I would. I tend to tell people when I need them to know, but not before. So if I'm acting erratically, or if I need, God, I don't want to say 'special treatment' but that's what it sort of is - I need to be allowed to be by myself, I'll need early nights, I'll need him to understand when I can't eat or do things outside of my comfort zone. It's not all the time, you see. Mostly, I can tweak my dose, see my GP/shrink/counsellor and he only needs to know the bare bones of that.

So I think what I'm trying to say is don't panic. It sounds as though he's got a plan, and he's used to dealing with it. If that changes, if his behaviour changes, then that might be the time to discuss it further.

I'm a stop starter. I don't tell anyone that i take ADs. I don't want to discuss it, i just want to tale the meds and feel better. Talking about it, makes it feel worse for me. Maybe your bf feels the same? Especially if it is related to work stress...its not a problem he needs to figure out

Thanks looking, you've explained that really well and its helpful to see that he has every right to deal with this by himself.

It is a SSNRI that he takes.

After I posted my OP I realised that selfishly a part of me was worrying that maybe whatever he is going through is something to do with me. I am fighting the familiar feeling that I am going to be let down- I know this is more due to my past than the reality of now but its a struggle to remember that sometimes.

Poor DP is struggling and I'm thinking of myself .

Do you tell him every time you take a painkiller? It's not THAT big a deal. He feels anxiety, he takes some tabs, it goes away. He's found a way of coping that works. Just keep an eye on him and if he seems to struggle despite the meds then you can try to encourage him to talk.