Resent DH since baby arrived

[cookiemonster100]

I am really starting to resent DH and his lack of thoughtfulness towards me since LO came along. He gets his sleep, chill out time & when he takes LO over from me I end up doing chores around the house.
Generally of an evening I take LO upstairs for a feed & bed around 8. He takes awhile to settle so by the time he is asleep I go off to bed myself. When I get up in the morning I end up tidying the kitchen to be able to make my breakfast & I know he has spent the evening on his game console. I don't get a chance to chill out and have me time but he does.
He doesn't wake in the night when LO wakes. Admittedly I am BF but when he doesn't settle or needs a change or winding he never gets up to do it, it's all me. Apparently he doesn't hear him.
Today he took him for a little while so I could go for a bath ( I had to ask him he didn't volunteer) . I needed to send off his family Xmas presents so quickly popped to the post office only to queue for 20 mins to remember he took my card to pay for petrol as he is skint & he hadn't put it back in my wallet. So by the time I got home picked up my card and re queued 90mins had past & I had to feed LO again. I was so angry & upset as he doesn't get the consequences to his actions are negative impacting me. I just wanted an hour to chill out to myself when he gets to do it all the time.
He always says sorry when I tell him but words are meaningless. He says he doesn't see stuff so I give him jobs to do which don't end up being done. I give up, I am so tired & fed up with him I just want out. We bicker in front of our son which I never wanted to do as i saw this with my family as a child & hated it. I just don't know what to do.

How old is your baby? How was your dh before the baby was born?

It's difficult when you have a tiny one to find the words to phrase your discontent with the way things are working out. I had a similar issue with DH playing computer games til late but not helping me out when DS was tiny, and I was so tired I physically couldn't confront him - I didn't have the energy or the words, so I carried on zombie-like.

Eventually I was so tired I couldn't get up anymore. So I prodded him awake and told him to do it. I always heard the baby and he didn't, so I woke him when it needed doing. I got sick as I was so run down, so I did this for a week. In the end he got tired of being woken up and suggested we split the small hours - so I would do bedtime, nights and he would do early mornings as he was getting up for work anyway, letting me lie in.

The beauty of it was that it was his own idea. Now he has father-son time with DS for an hour before I get up when DS is at his happiest, and I'm more rested. Do you think you could try something like that?

The problem I have is that he works shifts so I don't have a set time in the day where he can takeover for a bit. And it's generally the end of the day where I am flagging. To be fair his days off keep being canx however I don't even get a day off so we need to work together but failing miserably. I am starting to dread when he is home as it ends up in a row. At least when I am on my own I only have to rely on myself.
LO is 6 weeks. DH was ok before LO was born but did need nudging to get stuff done ( not to this extent).
I feel like the early days are being ruined by this which is adding to my resentment of him. I feel happiest outside the home pushing LO in the pram or seeing friends. I am even starting to resent our home. Some days I regret having LO coz now I am tied to DH forever when some days I feel better on my own.

I remember this feeling well my ex wouldn't pick up dd without being told too she wAs two weeks old when I decided to go for a bath could hear dd crying and then crying and crying x was in the same room when I got out bath xp was sitting watching tv ignoring her bad if I ever asked for help I got told 'well you are at home all day' I'm now a lp and couldn't be happier!

I resented my dh for the whole time I breastfed especially. Partly because he did soooo little (he's much better not they're older and utterly adores them but would never win father-of-the-year for involvement in day to day and practical parenting stuff) but also because I worried so much about them and he didn't - slept peacefully all the way and also because the adoration for them paled what I felt for him and he kind of got in the way of our little mum/child love-ins
It all levelled out eventually as I hope it will for you too OP.

It's a really tough situation. I don't know if you can make someone who is naturally inconsiderate to become the complete opposite. He doesn't sound like a baddie, from what you've said. Maybe draw up a rota? And keep a bit of cash at home if the petrol thing happens every now and again (more than 'now and again' could be a different issue). Lack of sleep is awful - it could make you feel resentful, IMO. Sometimes reasonably, sometimes not.

What a waste of space - sorry but how he can act like this and not realise how it's impacting on you is beyond me, I think he's in denial cos admitting he's a lazy git who doesn't support his wife would mean he would have to start acting like a grown up and oh gosh, a dad.

Don't put up with this, it's his son too, how is he ever going to bond when he spend hardly any time on his own with his own son?

You'd be better off as a single mum, at least you wouldn't be simmering with resentment all the time.

Lazy, good for nothing I'm afraid, and until you kick him into touch, it will be more of the same.