I've been with dp for 6 years, and have two young dc from a previous relationship. Things have been rocky with dp for pretty much the full 6 years and we have split up a ridiculous number of times, mostly at my instigation, but have always carried on seeing each other and would just end up getting back together. Then the same old cycle of shite would happen again.
It was mainly based on me feeling very uncomfortable with how close he was to his ex, and him trying to make out that I was odd and unreasonable to have any concerns. I would reach the point of being so upset by it that I had to finish with him, but then would do the pathetic 'but I love him, and what if I'm wrong about his feelings for his ex' thing and get back together with him.
Last March I found out he'd been trawling through a well-known prostitute website - turned out he'd apparently been 'just looking' for a whole year while things were rocky (although when I found out, things weren't rocky and had actually seemed better. He also phoned me and told me he loved me that night. Then must have gone off to find a hooker to fuck)
He was very sorry and says he loves me and wants to be with me, and we have sort of stayed together. He has been trying really hard and contributes enormously around the house, and my kids love him. The trouble is I don't trust him and I don't believe he really wants me. I know he's doing his best (although I realise if he still wanted to go off with prostitutes then he could do it and just hide it better). I just feel so low and rubbish about myself. I have mh and body issues anyway so it's easy to see why he wouldn't want me.
Just to complicate things further, I'm 3 months pregnant. He wants us to be a happy family, and so would I but I'm not happy because I can't forget that he wanted to cheat on me with a prostitute. Oh, and after I found out about the prostitutes I went through his emails and found out that I was right about his ex. It was all one sided on his part, but it was all pet names and dodgy jokes about getting in his bed, and that sort of thing. I don't think anything physical happened between them, but I do think he just hadn't let go of her. And tried to make out it was all in my head.
The kids love him and will miss him terribly if we split up. He is the father to this baby and he wants to make things work. He really is doing his best. What the hell do I do?