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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confronted MIL and DP...

9 replies

julezboo · 19/07/2006 14:22

And what an ordeal it was too! First off DP told me we was gonna sell the house and split the money so i could find somehwere nice for me ds and baby to live! So i lost it franctically throwing clothes into a bag, if he said its over what was the point in me staying!

MIL comes in and it all blew up, i told her i was sick to death of her interfering, going behind my back and slagging me off. She told me I was childish, a cruel mother, a bad mother and I will drive my ds away when hes older. She also sad i annoyed her last week cos i left the hot water on, what that had to do with anything though is beyond me! Her nd dp argued, me n mil argued, me n dp argued, i spent most of the night crying.

I told her that her won son is worried about his new baby coming for fear that shes gonna interfere! So her answer to that was "well i wont speak to matthew ot have anything to do with the baby then" and off she went to bed. She was so unblievablly childish it was awful, she has broke dps heart by saying she wants nothing to do with the baby, she denid spoiling my ds and going behind my back. Told i need to listen and take notice of her becasue she has years of experience, i should be there for my son and give him snakcs in between meals and drinks whenever he wants!!

I really odnt know what the matter with her is, someone has suggested shes upset and feels like im taking her son away. She threw it in my face thats she is giving us her house, i told her to shove it, not if she expected to be able to run our lives for us in return!

All in all it was a very upsetting night, nothing has been resolved because she doesnt belive she is doing wrong! I can never forgive her for what she said to me last night, Ive only been with dp for a year, she has seen Matthew a total of weekends and she thinks she knows us!

thanks for advice yesterday x x

OP posts:
aragon · 19/07/2006 14:35

Told i need to listen and take notice of her becasue she has years of experience

WTF - How dare she. Years of experience in putting people down by the sounds of it. He's your son. Stubborn and childish too - what does she mean by saying she won't speak to her son. Bollocks - that's just a threat to try and continue controlling him.

Sending positive vibes. You are in the right - not her.

julezboo · 19/07/2006 14:37

I feel so awful for shouting and screaming like i did but she wouldnt listen, niether would dp, im miles away from all my friends and family i felt so ganged up on and alone last night, things arent much better today although dp begged me not to leave x

OP posts:
CarlyP · 19/07/2006 14:59

sounds a nightmare. dont know where youlive, but im on essex/herts borders if your anywhere near there, you can come and have a cuppa at mine.

cx

Piffle · 19/07/2006 15:03

Can you write her a letter?
Explain that you've brought ds up on your own for xxx long and while you appreciate her thoughts and kindness is is making your parenting of him very difficult and try and set some special time when she can indulge him. So that you both get what you want
A GP not seeing their grandkids os not a good ending nor is you and dp fighting nor is dp falling out with his mum.
Yes she is an interfering old biddy but try to be the bigger person?

shhhh · 19/07/2006 15:11

I'm a fellow mner going through problems with my il's. I feel for you so so much. Being in the middle of a PIL issue currently myself I can't offer you advice as I need it myself..!!

Good luck for you and dp. You both need to be stong for the sake of "YOUR" family. XX

julezboo · 19/07/2006 15:21

thanks girls

Carly Im in south Wales! We only moved on saturday Ive not even been here a week. I know normally i would be able to cope with it and ignore her, but with my hormones at the moment and tbh its gone on for 6 months and thats 6 months too long. Shes only seen him 9 weekends out of the 12 months we have known her and she was lovely to begin with I do love her to bits, just the parts where she interferes! Ok if she did it once or twice, maybe even 3 times but the more we see her the worse it gets. We need to put a stop to it before her "real" grandchild comes because it will then get so much worse. Shes already dictating me on what i shuld be doing now Im pregnant, she puts so much pressure on me, such as "this little one is gonna be just fine" "I cant wait to see my new grandchild", also what worries me is the minute there is another small baby/child her, Matthew gets pushed to one side. I dont think shes obssessed with my ds as such just with children, she only had my dp, she would have liked more but her relationship was awful, that bad she contemplated killing her and dp when he was young just to get them out. She hasnt had a very nice life but to throw it in my face and try and make me feel guilty about it isnt on!

piffle - she has special time with my ds, she abuses it if Im honest, we left her babysitting one night and I told her he must go to bed before 9pm (hes only 4) we came home around midnight and she was running him up the stairs to bed! How can i trust her to have special time with him if she wont respect his routines and my boundaries for him?

shhh - I totally sympathise with you honey! My mother wouldnt even dream of doing what mil is doing, Im not used to dealing with all this rubbish!

dp is making me feel guilty because I have family to talk to he doesnt. We have done some talking today via IM on gmail. We have both said what we want from each other and both agreed so we will see.

I just dont like the fact they waited to get me down here with all my furnature before doing all this!

thanks again!

ps shes due home in 2 hours do you think i should go out?

OP posts:
hub2dee · 19/07/2006 15:54

"you fcked yours up, I'll fck mine up, thank you very much"

Piffle · 19/07/2006 19:00

I had a similar thing with exp, when he ahd ds he would keep him up all hours, spoil him
You just have to breathe and cope until you're on your own and she's gone
Grin and bear it

jofeb04 · 19/07/2006 19:06

Hiya
Just to let you know if you fancy a cuppa, cat me or let me know your email.
Im in south wales, so may not be that far from you.

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