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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

I have a crush.

20 replies

fluffyduckie · 15/12/2013 07:34

And it is really pathetic! I am so shy and only see him when he is at work and not very often. And there are always other people there.

He seems nice and is quite quiet so I have no idea if he even knows that I am alive!! I have no idea how to flirt. :( I am not pretty so I guess I need to display some personality.

He is older than me and divorced and has children a couple of years younger than me so I don't know if that would make it less likely for him to notice me.

I have so little experience and I just don't want to be a blushing wreck around him!

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/12/2013 07:41

Smile. Talk. Be friendly. Be yourself rather than thinking you have to have personality and flirting techniques. Otherwise, try to boost your confidence and self-esteem. 'I am not pretty' may or may not be true but, if you tend to think about yourself solely in negative terms, you're defeated before you even start. So rather than 'I am not'... what 'are' you?

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 15/12/2013 20:28

I do smile and talk but I do that with everyone so it isn't any different with him if that makes sense.

I do quite like myself but I know that I am not pretty or exciting! I am quiet and too shy but I like talking to people and crafts and gardening and walking and watching old films.

OP posts:

JaceyBee · 15/12/2013 20:31

I don't mean to be patronising but you sound adorable! Could you just bite the bullet and ask him for a coffee or something? How cringey would it be at work if he said no?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/12/2013 07:31

Apparently, the most effective 'flirting' technique is simply to hold someone's gaze for a little longer than normal. So smile and talk about normal stuff and try that perhaps?

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 16/12/2013 17:41

JaceyBee - it is kind of embarrassing but whenever someone describes me I always think it makes me sound like a Labrador!

Cogito - Oh that is interesting! I will have to try that next time I see him ... hopefully without blushing!

OP posts:

Sparrowlegs248 · 16/12/2013 18:38

Don't worry about blushing - if he notices it might give him a prod in the right direction!

MadeMan · 16/12/2013 18:46

"...it is kind of embarrassing but whenever someone describes me I always think it makes me sound like a Labrador! "

Big brown eyes and a wet nose.

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 16/12/2013 20:37

Blushing is so embarrassing though!

MadeMan - not exactly! :p More that everyone says nice or patient or sweet and it just sounds a bit dull when other people are fun or exciting or adventurous.

OP posts:

BookFairy · 16/12/2013 21:00

fluffy if it's any consolation I have a crush at work and I don't know what to do. Agony!

MadeMan · 16/12/2013 21:27

I also have a crush at work. It's exciting and annoying all at the same time.

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 16/12/2013 21:44

Even if he was interesting I don't know that I would realise it. Going to try the eye contact thing though!

Really sad but I look forward to seeing him and it is just crazy as he probably never thinks about me at all.

OP posts:

BookFairy · 16/12/2013 22:12

Oh fluffy I have no advice other than make friendly chat with him and see what happens. I look forward to seeing my crush as it makes my day if we have a nice chat

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 17/12/2013 17:59

I tend to be friendly with everyone so maybe I am not treating him differently to anyone else - apart from the blushing!

OP posts:

beaglesaresweet · 17/12/2013 20:54

OP, go ahead and blush! very effective! It's important if you henerally sweet to everyone. And also the eye contact! Some men are put off by dating someone who is their kids age, but you won't know until you try, OP .

CAn I also chip in so maybe we can all advise each other? feel free to ignore though!
I also have a crush on someone (older man, though i'm not a youngster myself) - it's so difficult to see anything objectively when you don't know what they think! This guy looks at me all the time when I'm there (we don't meet often) - I've caught him looking and he usually doesn't even try to look away. We chat, and we like each other. He's generally social and confident, more so that I. We had those long gazes while having some small talk. BUT what I find confusing is, when it's just the two of us for a short while (normally people he knows are around), he sort of clams up and stops the flirting, it then feels a bit awkward! wtaf (said kindly)? Once we went to a tube station together, I had hopes that he may ask me for a casual drink (just as friends so far), but not only didn't he ask, but was all cool.casual about good byes. But the next time he saw me socially, again - long gazes and steering in my direction.

beaglesaresweet · 17/12/2013 20:58

BookFairy, can you ask him out at lunchtime? it does depend how long it's been going on though, if long and he didn't suggest anything, I'd be wary.

beaglesaresweet · 17/12/2013 21:01

I think it's so much easier when this happens at work, you can do a lot under the guise of work chat or lunchtime coffee.

BookFairy · 18/12/2013 21:20

Oh god it's been going on for months! I'm really not sure if he actually likes me or if he just enjoys the chat/light banter. Too afraid to make a move in case I make a tit of myself!

MadeMan · 18/12/2013 21:47

Give him a christmas card.

YOUCANBEMYFRIENDIFYOUBUYMECAKE · 18/12/2013 21:47

just be yourself. chit chat over coffee won't be making a tit of yourself then it gives him a chance to repay by another one another time ;-)

Original poster

fluffyduckie · 21/12/2013 13:05

Haven't seen him all week and am not back to work until January now! :( No chance to practice!

I just think it would be humiliating to let him know that I like him and then to find that he is beyond not interested. It would be much easier if I could figure out what he thought of me.

OP posts:

Flip