Can my ex do this?

[BadSeedsAddict]

Brief history; I separated from my EA ex two months ago. He has been staying with a friend through the week, in another town, and staying in the (rented) house at weekends. He has been studying full time and working part time; his studies are ending and he wants to get somewhere to live close to the children. He has been putting pressure on me to make a decision regarding allowing him to claim child benefit for one of our three children. He says this will enable him to get housing benefit in order to rent a place large enough for him to have the children there. Does anyone do this? Everyone I ask seems to think it's a bad idea. We are going to mediation next week and I need to figure this out. I have ADD which means I have poor focus and concentration at points so I'm really worried I'm going to get led into the wrong decision. He recently tried to refuse to leave the house in order to talk me into a recorded conversation alone with him; I had to leave the house because I know from the relationship that he would manipulate me into giving him what he wants. I even considered moving out and working, myself, in order to settle things and try to get some money together. If anyone knows anything about this and can advise, it would be great.

Just agreeing with other posters: do NOT agree to this plan.

He should only claim CB if he is having the child live with him at least half the time or more. Being in receipt of CB does not automatically entitle anyone to HB so his reasoning is flawed.

He is an adult and responsible for sorting out his own finances independently. You are no longer his partner and therefore he should not be asking you to be in any way involved.

BaSseedsAddict you're welcome.

Stick to your guns on this one. He will also be able to claim Child Tax Credits if he has child benefit for that child, so again you would lose out financially that way.

Just noticed he was a FT student:

If in higher education, he cannot claim HB. However if he had a child, he could, plus he would get extra student finance- parental allowance or something ( can't remember off the top of my head, as don;'t get that many in my LA).

I guess it all depends on your relationship with him and if or how often he will look after the children overnight. If you can come to an arrangement where you can both give the children a home that could be good for everyone.

Stick to your guns. If he thinks you're being unreasonable, tough. That's just the way it is. It looks like you're doing a good job of setting up some boundaries - good. Even if you relented on this he'll find something else to disagree over because he's that kind of controlling git.

My Ex insisted on taking DD to his dentist. Then I found out he'd registered her under his surname and not the one on her birth certificate. When I confronted him he said he had to do it or they wouldn't have allowed him to register her. Watch out for bullshit like this.

Also, any time you feel like you're being pushed into a corner, say you'll think about it. Then at a later date email him with a firm NO. If he hates you for it, so what? You've had enough years of this twunt walking all over you - time for it to stop.

Great advice from all, thank you! Tallwivglasses I will try to look out for stuff like that, and yes I have put up with enough crap, definitely need to stick to my guns

Don't do it! Is my advice.

Good luck with everything.

DO NOT GOTO MEDIATION WITH THIS MAN.

Sorry for shouting but dont't. I had to give our 'experienced' mediator a mini bolloicking last week because despite having a written agenda, he allowed ex to go off topic where he basically blamed me for his past violence. I pulled ex up on his fairy tale and reminded both him and the mediator of why we were there. In my first mediation sessions with ex three years ago I would have agreed to anything, and nearly did, just to extracate myself from ex. He came across all zen and me the emotional wreck. I have since had three years of detaching from the fool and now know what my boundaries are and how to defend them. However, I was still incensed by his behaviour and went to the toilet midway just to recompose myself.

The mediator isn't interested in fairness they're interested in agreements, even agreements where one party is put under duress.

This man is motivated by himself and will use mediation as just another tool to bully you, do not, under any circumstances agree to his CB scheme.