name changed but regular.. Just dont want to be traced
I don't have a large family. There is my parents (divorced) my sister and niece (now 19) i have a brother but he stopped celebrating Christmas many years ago. Sister is a widow (19 years) I have 4 children and dh .. He has same set up a brother who isnt into Christmas and a sister. with 2 boys. the boys are 4 and 8 years older than mine.
Sil stopped doing Christmas presents when my youngest was 6. (4 years ago) saying that now they children were older there was no need. I felt really upset about this as I felt that it was like she felt her children (who were 16 and 20 at the time) had got the presents they needed from us and now she didnt wish to bother with her nephew and nieces from her side (she has a large family on her husbands side who they still give presents too now) Ido not expect huge amounts of money spent on mine would be perfectly happy with a token gift or a joint present of a game etc.
This year 2013 has been HORRIFIC for us. Dh was fired from his job unexpectedly (not a uk job so no payment) then got a new job but the boss took a dislike and got rid of him it took us 3 weeks to work out the payment as they were not willing to keep t the contract and it was Hugely stressful. Since the nwe have lived on what dh can get home by temping but it has been TIGHT.. (think credit cards maxed out and everything we could cut out cut out now) for now dh has a temp position of 3 months to a 6 month possibility and there are some possible leads coming up. (dh is pretty high up in his profession so not like he will get a job quick)
we are threading water and have a bit of hope for 2014 to be better.
Anyway my sister knows this has happened and that things have been tough for us. She lives in mainland europe (where I am from) and Friday she suddenly texts me (this is the day of the last posting date )
Saying I dont think we should do presents any more. I find it hard to give anything to your children in the price range and think we should just give birthday presents.
I didnt respond as I had a busy day and frankly I felt quite hurt by this. I had already send her present. as it was last posting date and it was very short notice.
Today I got another text from her saying " Oh i realise you have already sent a present so how about I buy a hamper for you all?" I HATE hampers my kids wont enjoy hampers and frankly I would rather she didnt send anything. but it feel so incredibly hurtful and thoughtless that her knowing that we have had this shitty year she doesnt stop and think " ok there isnt a lot of good going on so this year I will find something a bit nice (I dont meant expensive but something throughout)
instead she pulls out completely My parents have both send money and reality is the only gifts my kids will get is what I have purchased. and 2 or 3 from some lovely friends. I won get any presents this year at all as dh and I have said no presents for us (financial) and well that was the 1 gift i thought might be there for me under the trree this year. We have never used over £20 so I was not expecting anything over the top amazing but just a litte something that showed someone out there gave a damn..
I feel really upset about this. Also once again i feel like my niece is the end all and be all. My parents have little idea who my kids are (blames it on me for moving to the UK) my father tries hard and it is completely due to Him there are presents for the kids this year he really send double what he usually does with a note saying make sure you have a lovely christmas I know this year has been tough. so dh and I agreed we would not buy for Him and I just for the kids out of this. My mother visited for the first time in 13 years in September and actually told me about how amazing my niece was at English (err think perhaps the fact I fed her for the 19 months she lived with me has something to do with that???) goes on and on about how wondrous my niece is and has little interested in my kids. Told me my oldest was hard to get to know. my son was too worried about going to 2ndary school and my youngest was to into herself the only one she seemed to like was number 2.. I am constantly being told how amazing niece is even to the extend of my telling them " dd1 has done x" it will come with " oh well niece was always amazing at that"
Since niece was born I have been bombarded by how amazing she was the one point where they have not made any obvious difference was in Christmas presents (i know my mother makes a difference at birthdays but my dad doesn't) & now it just feels like that people who are meant to give a damn and care do not give a .....
I am comforting me with the fact my lovely friend who I know has had a pretty hard year herself has bought my children a joint present because she wanted to (nothing big but a game I know they will all have fun playing) and another my sons Godmother has been in touch for our addy so I know she will send something (again wotn be big but its the thought that counts) so I know deep down my children are loved by important lovely people to them.
I know MIL will show on Christmas day with her trusty Christmas jumper and crackers and will spend time adoring the children and I know they will have a lovely day and not notice different..
its just I really will notice and it makes me sad it is that way.