Left abusive relationship...scared and jumpy all the time

[WhatAPallava]

Left abusive relationship 2 months ago.

He was arrested for common assault, let out on bail...broke bail so was kept on remand for 6 weeks..got found guilty but let out until sentencing 5 weeks later.
He's now back in for breaking bail again.

I find myself so jumpy and scared. Any little noise, even from outside, panics me.

He got re arrested this week for breaking bail, including accosting my friends in the street telling them all the violent things he's going to do to me when he sees me.

I'm now sat in the dark in my bedroom because I had 2 missed calls from his cousin...she was a friend but wouldn't call for a chat at this time so I got scared and turned all the lights off.

I don't talk in detail to many friends in real life.
Just want to feel confident and relaxed again :-(

It is normal and it gets easier. Especially as he's only recently been put in prison again - I think you're being hard on yourself to say it's been 2 months when realistically that happened 3 weeks ago and the fear of them coming to get/find you is horrendous.

Do you think you could try to reach out to some of your friends? Maybe make it a goal tomorrow to text five people and arrange to meet them at some point in the next 2 weeks. If you have children, look for some local playgroups or a sure start centre, they often have activities on where you can just go along and don't have to know anybody. Maybe plan that in for after Christmas. Do you have plans for Christmas?

Other things to do:
Buy a cheap phone, or get an old one, and leave it charged near your bed, without a sim card in. You can make emergency calls if you need to even if there is no sim card in a phone. Then you can turn your normal phone off at night so no scary calls or texts to make you jump (or, if you like using your phone for internet, alarms etc, then just take the sim card out at night. Again, you can always call 999.)

Another thing you can do if you feel strong enough to do so is contact the DV department of your local police station and ask if they can send someone round to talk you through safety and make sure they have everything in place to help you - of course it's much better to know that he's safely locked away but you will be able to talk through your fears with somebody who understands the situation but isn't going to be able to relate anything back to anybody who knows him.

It might also help to see your GP, again, I know it's probably scary and difficult to think about making appointments and speaking to people but they might be able to advise about the anxiety you are feeling and at which point it might require some kind of intervention if it's still creeping into your everyday life.

It's always the night time that I feel worse, when it's dark!

My relationships with friends really fizzled when I was with him. We kept in touch but I rarely joined in social events....I'm trying to build it back up as feel lonely. I never get invited to things and I think they're just not used to asking me as knew before I'd make excuses (because of him).

I'm going away this week for 5 days with DD and my Grandad (he's a young grandad and we're close!) So that will be nice.

We went to the park today and it was actually really nice! Felt really free being out and just enjoying it there with DD.
I work 2 full days and 3 half days a week so including travelling and childcare pick up/drop off there's not much time for playgroups etc in the week but I'm going to make a conscience effort to do more on the weekends, keep us busy.

My cousin has stayed at my house this week (split up with his partner this year and has been sofa surfing for a month or so). I have a spare room and it means I'm not so scared and alone so works for both of us.

Yes Christmas I will be at my mums (staying Christmas eve).

I spent Thursday with a friend and we made a plan to maybe have a small new years eve party at my house with the children so that's something nice to look forward to if it happens.

I don't keep night lights on - actually feel safer in the dark! Although this week has been a bit better as cousin has been here.

My council has a domestic violence charity that support you in securing your home so I'm going to get in touch with them for advice and support.