Is this odd?

[Lovevhate]

This afternoon Dp and I put up the Xmas Decs. When it was all done I put the tea on which would be ready in about 45 minutes. By now the time was 7.30 and Dp announced that he was going out for some air for about half an hour as he hadn't been out all day. I was a bit surprised but not a problem. I suspected he was going to his friend"s house and pointed out that he would not be in time for tea. Anyway it's not 8.45 and tea is cold! Don't really know what I'm trying to say really. If I say something he will say I please myself and go where I like which is true but I wouldn't disappear out with no notice like this. I feel very unsettled and I don't know why.

Hmm, it's very close to Christmas, I guess you aren't getting any other answer out of him tonight, I suggest you look at his phone when you get a chance. If there are any other disappearing for an hour or two situations soon, then push further, because quite frankly, one trip out to collect your gift is reasonable, several, not so.

I guess as well, you might have an idea on Christmas morning when you see what you get... (did he arrive home with a parcel or come in via the garage?)

No history of cheating. However he does disappear off sometimes to go to his friend. I just have an uneasy feeling. I've had these feelings before and I was always right. I've given up now. He's not listening and it's all pointless. I will get over it.

Lovevhate- please do not feel you aren't worth more. I assure you you'd be happier on your own than with him!
If you have that gut instinct I'd run with it. Even if he's not cheating he isn't treating you right in the slightest. Tell him it's over, you sound like you live in fear of him. It's funny how he calls you controlling, I've always found cheaters to make it out to be you. And from what you've said it sounds like it's him

I don't know. He swears he's not up to anything. He's really not happy with me. Upset that I don't trust him but angry too. I can't be bothered to say anymore. It's pointless.

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this and I know from first hand experience several times how hard it is to leave someone when you think they have but can't prove it.

I just always think if it was someone accusing me and I was innocent I'd never get angry I'd be more confused IYSWIM? There's no need to be angry if you're innocent IMO

In my relationship I intentionally don't give any reason for DH not to trust me. I don't want him to feel insecure and I have nothing to hide so there would never be a time I'd feel I needed to sneak off and not say where I'd been.

He knows you are insecure and worried about cheating so why would he want to make you feel like that? It's not a caring or respectful way to be. It's also not how a normal relationship functions.
Unless there's something untoward there's absolutely no point in him pushing back and being cross with you. He should just say where he's been and show you proof of it. That way he builds your trust. He knew your past and chose to be with you so he should support you. The fact he doesn't want you to feel secure and happy is distressing. I can't imagine ever putting DH in that position as it's just cruel and pointless.

Please don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and definitely trust your instincts about this.
Who is this friend you think he's been to and why wouldn't he just say he'd been there?

carryon he's told me he didn't go to his friend. I suppose he could have easily said he had as I wouldn't know anyway. Says he can't tell me as it would ruin my Xmas surprise. He has now apologised for the tea and secrecy and said he can see how it looks. I'm still not convinced so will wait and see what this present is like!

Puking? He's half an hour late by my calculations. Yes, it's inconsiderate behaviour and I wouldn't like it myself if someone disappeared when I was cooking them a meal, but why are you assuming he's spent that half hour cheating on you?

Well, I think your gut is right. This is odd.
But you know what? Even if he did nip out to sort your present? (really? what works require that?) it's OK to decide that a man who messes you about over dinner simply isn't for you. It's pretty rude.
You don't need proof of an affair, you need to not feel unhappy. If you're not happy, end it.
If you think you're paranoid due to previous things, then maybe get counselling.

Cogito. Puking yes it's over the top I agree. My stomach was in knots and I go back to previous episodes with partners. I will never trust a man 100% which I guess is my problem.

What CarryOn said:

Unless there's something untoward there's absolutely no point in him pushing back and being cross with you. He should just say where he's been and show you proof of it. That way he builds your trust. He knew your past and chose to be with you so he should support you. The fact he doesn't want you to feel secure and happy is distressing. I can't imagine ever putting DH in that position as it's just cruel and pointless.

My DP was cheated on, I know that he was suspicious of his ex's behaviour and had to do some digging to find out where she was and what she was up to. If he was even seriously concerned about my behaviour and whether I was up to no good I would happily let him look at my phone/email and do all I could to reassure him that he could trust me, in a light-hearted way so that he knows that he doesn't need to take it too seriously as it is not going to happen.

The fact that your DP has taken a while to come round to being supportive and reassuring, when his instinct was to get angry and defensive is a worry to me. You do need to work on your mistrust of every man and try to make sure that you are truly able to recognise goodness when you see it, but tbh, I'm not sure you'll get that from a man who is inconsiderate and whose behaviour makes you feel sick with anxiety.

If he was ever