Being left out of neighbours nights out - advice needed

[pickle100]

I had a coffee morning today and invited all of the women in our road with children - during the chat it transpired that most of them were going out that evening for a few drinks and that I had been left out. I believe it was my immediate neighbour who had arranged it. I invited her to the coffee morning but she didn't come and I suspect she doesn't like me because we objected to an extension they built over 5 years ago - we have since spoken about it and I thought it was all ok but now I suspect not ! I know it sounds ridiculous but I felt really hurt, like I was in the school yard again !!! I didn't say anything and when people asked if I was coming I just said no and left it at that. Any advice or is this just part of neighbourhood politics ?

I think she is just being a cow,ignore her she obviously would be crap company anyway!
for you
Make sure you exclude her from meet ups in the future.

If I lived next door to someone who objected to an extension I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want them as more than civil acquaintances

Are you really surprised this woman didn't invite you?

I think you have played it perfectly tbh .. and if you want to be the bigger person arrange another night out in a couple of months and invite her along ... don't mention it .. then if people ask where she is you can say oh well she was invited, maybe she couldn't make it

Thanks, I think I might be over reacting but it was just a bit embarassing

It IS like the school yard again, but you are all grown women now, so just rise above it, it doesn't matter, who cares anyway etc etc

Message withdrawn

Neighbours are just random people you happen to live near to. If you get on well with them that is a huge bonus, whatever you do remain civil and pleasant as nasty neighbours/disputes can ruin your life (ask Sparkly).
In this case, chill, she is pissed about the extention (as I would be probably). Smile, be pleasant and maybe time will sort it out.

Yes it's fair enough -I know she was making an excuse about this morning because she said she had to go to her son's assembley whilst a couple of the other mums who went to the same assembley came along afterwards

Yes good advice abour being civil - I do try but it is not always easy as for a while she used to stand at the back of her garden and take photos of us - I have never acknowledged it or mentioned it to anyone else locally.

bump

'for a while she used to stand at the back of her garden and take photos of us '

Why???

I agree with Twiglett on this. She wasn't happy but is grown up and doesn't want an ongoing feud.

Seriously, do a night of your own and invite. Then try something else and invite. After the 2nd invite.... take it on the chin, they don't like you, but at least you will have made friends with other neighbours in the meantime who will know that there is nothing wrong with you.

Yes good advice UCM, thanks

Sounds like neighbourhood politics to me.! I think things like this affect us women more than it does men. Things are similar on our street.

We get on really well with our surrounding neighbours, always checking each other is ok, taking time to chat etc. Now a couple who are not directly our neighbours but due to the house layout they are close to ours iykwim, they are forever having parties and inviting everyone but dh & i..! In fact a few weeks ago I watched their daughter deliver invites to everyone around us but not us..! . Turns out these were invites to their wedding after party..! Thing is I have spoken to them numerous times, seen work they have done to their home etc so I'm shocked at their attitude.

DH is not bothered though, he finds it funny. Me however, I find it rude and like you said I feel like I'm at school again..!

Have you thought about "asking about this night out"..? Say " Oh I hear you are all off out/you all went out". See what the reaction is. Just say it "out of curiosity"..!! .

Thanks Shhh, I think you have got to the heart of my problem in that the neighbour concerned is always very nice to me and make a point of being chatty and then she makes a point of not asking me to her night out ! I prefer to know where I am with people. After their extension was built (it did get built) the neighbour concercerned came round and said sorry for all that had happened and that she didn't want us to be angry with them. Personally I was content to leave things as they had become (civil- hello, goodbye, nice weather etc. ) and it was her that seemed to want more. She had said some quite personal things to my DH which I did find upsetting. I did alway suspect that she was still upset in that when we had a window replaced at the back of the house she seemed upset and kept taking photos of it which I just ignored. As you say, DH thinks the whole thing is very funny but I have been affected by it perhaps because I am at home more than him. To be honest I am starting to think that we will even have to move as I feel very isolated - I suppose the advice I would offer is that if your neighbours come round ask for an honest opinion of a potential extension then don't give it!

I wouldn't move because of them..!! I know what you say about feeling isolated BUT at the end of the day they are only your neighbours and had they not been your neighbours would you have choosen them as friends iyswim..?!!

I'm sure you have friends away from the neighbourhood so enjoy your nights out with them..!

Thanks shh, good point