I am a horrible person...engaged but think of other men

[TwinkleTwinkleNeverwhere]

I am engaged. Date is all set and booked. When I think about the wedding i panic, im scared that 10 years down the line I'll be fed up of my life and regret it.
I love my fiance, he is a good kind man and lovely father to out dd - she is 2. But we hardly have sex at all and it is not great...i have tried many things to change that but he is not into the same things as me. He doesn't turn me on anymore. We have been together 7 years.
There are other men that when i think of they do turn me on though this is just in my head, nothing in real life.
Im so torn about what to do and am on anti depressants just now so i don't know if they are clouding my thoughts/feelings.

im sorry for the ramble...i just needed to put things in writing to try and clear my thinking.

You're not a horrible person but you sound as though you're with the wrong man. Don't marry someone that isn't 100% compatible with you just because they're kind. It won't take 10 years for you to be fed up. You're already fed up enough to be on anti-depressants and that will be no coincidence. Do nothing and you'll have the wasted costs of weddings and divorces to add to your feelings of guilt.

You have a child together and a 'lovely father' means you can still co-parent successfully but engagements are not binding contracts .... you are fully allowed to change your mind and it sounds like you should.

I thought I could marry my Mr Nice and the flaws in our relationship and in particular the bedroom department wouldn't matter/ I'd get used to it/ it would improve. I was wrong. Leaving was a hard decision to make but once I had, so liberating and I now have a fulfilling relationship with dp and a beautiful family. You're not a bad person, you're just in the wrong relationship.

How close is your wedding? You can't make a decision if you are under pressure because of timing.

I was all set to say 'That's normal,' based on your thread title, but there's clearly more to this than eyeing up a good looker from time to time!
I definitely think you need to do something, but I'm not going to sit here and tell you that he is wrong for you based on a short post. Seven years is a long time, you have history with the man and there is obviously something that has worked for you before.

Is there any chance that this could just be a rough patch? Different factors in life (money troubles etc) can affect our relationships and how we view them, including our own self esteem. You mention anti-depressants, have they affected the way you view other situations/ relationships?

I could have written your post before my own wedding, in fact it's spookily similar, we have a 2yo and have been together for 7 years. I got married in September, daydreaming about other people turned into actual cheating, and I'm now thinking about leaving him. If you want to know the full story, look at my thread 'giving up too easily?'. I thought before I got married that it was normal to have doubts, which it is, but only you know yourself and know whether it's just a case of cold feet or you think it's a serious relationship problem. Whatever you do, if you think it's an actual problem with the relationship, don't go through with the weddding! No matter how much money has been spent and you think people will be disappointed, it's going to be a heck of a lot worse for you to break it off afterwards. Marriage isn't a fix for a bad relationship, things don't magically improve afterwards, your partner doesn't suddenly become a different person. If you're unhappy now, it's not likely that you'll become happy after you've gotten married

You are not horrible at all but it does sound as if you are with someone who you aren't compatible with. My advice would be don't marry him and save all the heartache in the future.

Not horrible at all. I think many of us, me included, get caught up in the whole getting married thing, when perhaps there are already flaws/cracks.

I was with dh for 4 years before we got married and I had question marks about things, including sex, which had already started to be an issue.

Don't go through with getting married if you have doubts. I had doubts 14 years ago when I got married. I had a fling less than a year in to our marriage, and we have recently separated. We are actually much happier now that we have made that decision, and are actually really great friends.

Good luck with it all.

If you marry this bloke, you'll either cheat on him repeatedly and come to despise him or less likely, endure a miserable resentful marriage blighted by sexual frustration and anger.

It's madness to marry someone and promise lifetime monogamy when your sex life is already non-existent or unsatisfactory. In fact, it's madness to stay in a relationship like that if it makes you unhappy and wanting something more.

It's okay to say you've changed and want something different and it's far kinder to end this now than hurting him even more down the line, by adultery and/or eventual divorce. Far kinder to yourself too, if you don't actually want to compromise your own integrity and values by eventually becoming a liar and a cheat.

Don't marry this man. Don't have any more children with him either.

Echoing others, do both of you a favour, and call the wedding off.

Have you talked to him about it?

It might be that he too thinks things could be better, if so then there's hope, if not then I agree with the others.

Did you have a spark in the beginning? Did you get with him cos he was a safe option?
My point is a 2 yo. can put a strain on any relationship.