Sex death and dating

[RedchairBluechair]

Now that I have your attention... I’ve recently joined the world of older internet dating, and some advice please.
I was messaged by a woman who on her profile described herself as widowed but in reality was a sort of pre-widow, in that her husband was much older and in the last stages of Alzheimer’s. She said he had been unaware of his surroundings for about a year. She was looking for a relationship and in fact had already had a relationship (which she has since ended) with a man.
She seems very genuine. I met her, liked her and we agreed to meet again. Then before we were due to meet she messaged me cancelling our date because her husband had died unexpectedly early that morning. Since then she has contacted me again, asking to meet for a date. Her husband is not cremated yet. I like her and I’ve agreed to the date, but I’m feeling quite strange about it all. Comments please.

I would run like mad from that!

Well there's no reason why you can't both meet up but maybe steer clear of any romantic involvement for the time being to allow her to grieve.

It might be that she needs the company and someone to offload onto?

Sounds a bit soon to be planning a date if her husband is yet to be cremated, but I suppose she has been mourning him for years and is probably somewhat relieved that she can move on.

(I have had relatives with dementia & other terminal illness before anyone flames me for being insensitive, there is obviously grief, but also some relief that the it suffering is over).

I would suggest that you meet up in a few weeks, just to give her some time to process it all. She may feel that she is ready for dating, but she is bound to be experiencing some emotional upheaval and would be best supported by old friends and family rather than someone new. There is plenty of time for you to get to know each other later on, but perhaps keep in touch so she knows you're interested.

We spoke again last night and she said she had had a number of sessions of howling! But is a very strong -dominant? -person. Anyway she was adamant about meeting again so we have arranged it.

Well good luck, but try to keep it light, dating should be fun, you don't want to become her counsellor!

Update on this. We were due to meet up again tomorrow night, but I messaged her and said I had problems with it because a) I didn't think her emotional state was up to it and b) I had ethical issues with dating someone whose dead husband wasn't in the ground yet. I called her this evening to talk to her, and she was OK with it -to the extent that she had already renewed her subscription on the dating website! So I guess she thinks she's ready...

She may think she's ready, and that's her call.
. But if you're not comfortable with it, that's what counts. Nobody should go out on a date with someone if they aren't comfortable about the other person's status.

FIL is in final stages of dementia and we've been grieving for the loss of dad when he's still very much alive in body but missing in mind. Tbh, it'll be a mercy when he dies. It's such a horrible thing to say but true. My husband is barely coping, my daughter was getting help through the school as she's struggled immensely. The worst stage though was when he knew he had problems. We didn't want things to progress but at least when they did he was no longer aware of what he was going through. It's a nasty disease.