Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Should tell 'My side" dh with amnesia; he's filed for divorce

19 replies

catfourfeet · 13/12/2013 21:57

3 5 years ago ny husband became ill with severe short term memory loss (5 minutes) ,lack of empathy,selfishness

my sister became heavily involved in his care without my knowledge.
E.g. arranging appointments,access to his notes.

then his sister also became involved. my husband has been living away from myself and the children for the past 18 months i have no direct contact no phone numbers at all .

My family have all listened to my sisters version of events and no one has asked me what i think.
should i write to friends and family explaining my side; my feelings or would i just come across as the unhinged evil she devil that i have been made out to be.

OP posts:

AnUnearthlyChild · 13/12/2013 21:59

Oh Lordy cat you have been through hell. I've posted on several of your other threads under various names.

IMHO I'd leave the lot of em to it.

Start afresh as it were. I think the truth will out in time.

In a very un mnetty manner

CinnabarRed · 13/12/2013 22:01

I remember your threads; I'm sorry it's come to this.

The sensible advice is to keep quiet and keep your dignity.

I couldn't do that.

Very best wishes to you.

bundaberg · 13/12/2013 22:03

oh goodness... did you post about this before? I recall someone going through the same thing if it wasn't you!

what a horrible situation :(

Original poster

catfourfeet · 13/12/2013 22:04

Hi
I do think the ttuth will come out .......... eventually.

But for now , my family just accept my b Stistes Britain of events and she's VERY good at not lying out right but
Wording things to make her look good/innocent etc

OP posts:

Original poster

catfourfeet · 13/12/2013 22:05

Phone !!!

Sisters version of events

OP posts:

silverangel · 13/12/2013 22:42

I don't normally post in relationships but feel compelled to send you some hugs. Cut your losses with all of them, sorry you're dealing with this.

Walkacrossthesand · 14/12/2013 09:04

The trouble with writing a letter giving your side of the story, is that you don't know everything she's said about you, and hence how the words you write will be interpreted by the reader(s). You do know she's a clever schemer, and will doubtless be shown the letter by the gullible people that have already fallen for her scheming, so even the letter will be subject to her 'spin'. It's a lost cause I'm afraid - you've been shut out of the picture for over 1.5 years now, the only way you'll ever get a chance to tell your story is is one of the acolytes asks you. In the meantime, plough your furrow. I'm so sorry - and I'm left wondering, why? Why was it so important to your sister to seize control and shut you out like this?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/12/2013 09:11

I don't know the back story but IME attempts to set records straight with people who have no intention of supporting you tends to be a big waste of time. Keep your counsel, judge your family by their actions and forge an independent life for yourself. Good luck

ABitterPIL · 14/12/2013 09:22

Jeez I am sorry. I dont know how many times i have read your threads and I always thought it was HIS sister. That was bad enough.

I really do think cutting them clean off and having a fresh start is the best you can do. I, personally, would have to write a letter as a means of telling them to go fuck themselves. Your familly should be ashamed. If you do write a letter make sure it is not an invitation to keep the lines of contact open

AmberSweet · 14/12/2013 22:47

Oh Cat I remember your previous threads and I really admire your strength through everything. I really don't know how you've coped with everything. Not only with your Dh but with your sister as well. It's all so cruel

lollerskates · 14/12/2013 22:54

I remember your threads, Cat. You really have been through the mill, haven't you? I'm so sorry it's come to this. I agree with everyone who's said you should not try and explain yourself - just let them get on with it. Save your energy, it really isn't worth it and you deserve to focus on yourself now. You must be absolutely wrung out. Very best of luck for the future.

AngryByrd · 14/12/2013 23:01

is there anyway someone could link the previous threads?

lollerskates · 14/12/2013 23:12

Here. There are others too but it's really as OP says: her husband developed MH problems and amnesia, and OP's sister and OP's DH's sister got massively overinvolved and actively worked to break up the marriage and - seemingly - his relationships with his DC. Horrible, horrible situation.

auntpetunia · 14/12/2013 23:22

Oh cat I remember all your previous threads! I Am so sorry it's come to this. I would write it down more for my own sanity than in the hope it would achieve anything, I'd probably never send it. But maybe some day in the future when his memory returns you can pass it on. If you and DC have managed for last 18 months then you have done brilliantly, if you want to divorce then don't fight his application if your don't then fight.

mathanxiety · 14/12/2013 23:28

Let them at it. They seem welcome to each other. Keep your dignity. Go ahead and divorce.

Sorry it is your own sister who is stabbing you in the back like this. You have effectively lost a sister too.

Original poster

catfourfeet · 15/12/2013 00:24

Hi all
Thanks for the replies,
You are right; I won't be v able to show anything to anyone . They either won't believe it or will believe what makes their lives "easier"........... sigh.

I could b do with some help drafting a v letter to send to
Others outside of my immediate family who know little or nothing of the situation to just try and summarise the led up to h filling for b divorce.

Or would even that type of letter be a bad idea ???

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 15/12/2013 00:43

You don't owe anyone an explanation. You haven't failed in this enterprise called marriage and nobody needs to know your mitigating circumstances.

You can send out a note in Christmas cards saying simply that after x number of months of separation you have decided to end the marriage and start afresh. Tell everyone you and the children are looking forward to the years ahead. Wish everyone a happy Christmas and sign it Cat and Kittens.

FannyFifer · 15/12/2013 00:49

I also remember many of your previous threads, I'm so sorry it has ended like this, maybe write the letter for yourself but don't post it.

I really just don't know was the point of all this for your Sister, utterly bizarre.

Longdistance · 15/12/2013 01:22

I'm scratching my head as to how your sister and sil got so heavily involved? Seen as your dh has amnesia, I can see how they have poisoned his mind.

Wrt his mh state, is there not something in place like you are his dw, therefor you trump your ds, and sil in caring for him, or am I just thinking of power of attorney type cases?

Sorry he's filed for divorce, I do believe it was engineered by these vile women.

Flip