all --seasons-- feelings in one day......

[calamitysmum]

hey, ive been separated from my exh for five weeks, and i have been through the mill with regards to emotions, despair, anger, sadness and worry - but for now im feeling quite full of serenity and calm.... i know the bad times will come around again - my exh was quite angry, controlling and committed dv - away from the family home once (the dc's didn't witness) but during the good times we had some great times, i adored him, wanted to make him happy, and tried everything to make him that way - he didn't want to, he would rather dwell on the negatives. I know now i cant change someone who does not want to change, but i suppose my reason for messaging is to ask that - is this normal and does it get better/worse ? i kind of feel the bad times are once again around the corner.... but i don't want to bring that on........

I dont know how to add a direct link but look at thread also in relationships called have you left and felt happier? think it will give you a lot of answers

I too am 5 weeks in. started well. had tough few days but I'm feeling happier and more focused today. think getting through Christmas will be a turning point too. good luck

It's quite normal. Especially, I think, following the type of abusive relationship where you were manipulated (groomed if you want a more emotive word) into spending a disproportionate amount of your time keeping the other person happy. I don't know how long you were together but, whatever it was that kept you plugging away trying to turn a negative, abusive man into a positive, kind man, is still there in the background. Like a bad habit or mild obsession.

It does get better. You're already acknowledging that it wasn't your job to keep him happy and that he chose to be the person he was. That's the logical, rational you slowly separating you from the emotional you that has been forced to act a particular way, literally just to survive.

Good luck