Regular poster: name changer.
My dh got a new job earlier this year. After almost 20 years of 9-5 he now works from home some of the time although he's not often here as he's out on the road a lot and he goes away about twice a month for a few days at a time.
I am so much less stressed when he's not around. Eating with the kids (6yr & 23m) is easier, were more likely to have pasta and pesto or jacket spuds for tea in front of the telly but when he's home I always feel this pressure to cook a "proper meal" and sit up the the table etc.
I race around to get the house tidy before he goes then i relax a lot more, when he's here I put constant pressure on myself to do some housework every day.
I must add a note here that he doesn't put this pressure on me, he's happy to have a sandwich or whatever if I haven't cooked that day. He never comments if housework hasn't been done, it's entirely down to my programming from early childhood, my grandmother (dads side) was a proper stepford wife, very proud to be a housewife and "provide for her man" in anyway she could, this was the woman who would fry onion rings just before my grandfather got in so is she didn't quite have dinner ready so he was greeting by a savoury aroma and he wasn't expected to do anything at home apart from MAN jobs: Lawn mowing, DIY, wood cutting etc and he had a huge amount of free time to pursue his hobbies. She pressured my mum hugely as my mum was 18 when she fell with me unmarried to my dad and in the 70's she was a disgrace to the family, so she always put huge pressure on herself to prove she could be a good housewife & mother too.
DH is a great dad, he's not "lazy" but he's not tidy, he does the washing up and will tidy and clean at the weekends, he's happy to change a nappy or ten and pulls the night shift with our toddler as often as i do, he gives me breaks from the kids when he can, he gives me lie ins when he can, he hoovers & dusts, he puts the washing in the machine and hangs it out again, folds it and puts it away, shopping, looks after most of the bills and he works hard in his job.
BUT he's not tidy in himself, neither of us are particularly but I am tidier and far more organised than he is, so when he's not around it gets less messy anyway so i feel there's less work to do. I clean up after him most days, mugs in the dishwasher, clean the loo, clean the sink, rinse the bath, pick up his underwear and socks and dirty clothes off the bedroom floor and general litter from the night before. (if he snacks he rarely throws the pack in bin)
Anyway I'm worried about how much I am enjoying him not being here, I dont really miss him at all. Maybe it's because the breaks are short, its rarely more than 3 or four days at a time but i don't feel elated when he gets back. It's just back to the grindstone. I love him dearly but this just doesn't feel right to me. Why am i so much more chilled when he's not around?