fallen out with my brother :(

[littlelamb]

I have been keeping quiet about how angry some of the things my brother does annoy me, but I have gona nad blown it I have just graduated and am struggling financially. I had my dd at the end of the first year, and have really struggled to finish my course. My brother, on the other hand, lives off benefits and had more money than he knows what to do with. He managed to convince doctors he has ME, which he admits is a lie, and sits at home spending his money on ridiculous things like a pet snake, even though he has a 2 month old daughter. Her mother is 17 and has no intention of ever getting a job. They both just anger me so much because of their lack of motivation and sheer laziness. They have a beautiful home all paid for, and I struggle to pay my rent to live in this dump What really made me mad was that they promised to come to my graduation, then rang up the night before saying they had no money. I tried not to make an issue out of it and just hung up the phone, but he called me today and we had anothr arguement. I know people will ocme and say maybe he is genuinely disabled, but he admits he was lying and is just too well off on benefits to get a job. As much as I hate not speaking to him, I don't feel able to make this up. His attitude just seems to be rubbbing it in my face. Should I try and make up and just grit my teeth about all of this? He is trying to make me feel in the wrong, which maybe I am, but am I really just supposed toi sit back and watch while he does something I so strongly disagree with?

Awww littlelamb this sounds like an awful situation.

Do you like him as a person usually? Will he stop you from seeing his dd? I think you have to weigh up the pros and cons and either cut your ties or try to grit your teeth. Nothing you say will change him I'm afraid.

tbh, he is not that great a person. He is a racist, a bigot and just generally a waster. I feel so sorry for his daughter. But when I was pregnant and none of my family were speaking to me, he helped me a lot. This was before he 'got ill' and started smoking so much weed

Oh dear Hope you come to a decision soon hun and that someone can give you some advice. Have you fallen out before?

No. Everytime I see him I have to bite my tongue. He really is so crass. If he sees someone disabled in hte street he will say something nasty very loudly I just don't like hte way he justifies his actions, saying I'm on benefits too. I am waiting for my income support, which as a student I'm only entitled to in the summer. And I still have to pay far too much of my own rent. I cant see how he can even think his situation is compeable to mine

decision made. He just lef the most hurtful message saying I am terrible that my dd goes to nursery, and I can't be that had up. I get a grant fgs, and she adores nursery. And also having a go at me for not having a job while being at uni. What a tosser

Congratulations on your graduation littlelamb! well done you! be proud of yourself and don't let your brother take the shine off your celebrations.

Huge congrulations on finishing your course. He is no doubt terribly jealous of your success wish no doubt makes him look more of a wastrel. Nothing no doubt will give him more pleasure than your failure.

You cannot be responsible for someone elses actions, if he chooses to waste his life that is his decision.

You are obviously motivated and hard working AND a great role model for your DD. Concentrate on your future and making a life for yourself. If he is able to be happy for you thats great, if not don't stress.

I know they say blood is thicker than water but I've found it can be a load of toss tbh. Not that I feel that way about my family but a good friend of mine has the most unsupportive family that I know yet she is the one who needs it.

I think you can find family in friends...you choose them and are not just stuck with them because you happen to be born in the same unit.

Good luck for your future littlelamb. Your bro has a lot of issues, not just his insecurity, and you can do without them. Which is what you've realised.

take care hun xxxx

Thank you all for your kind words. I have been seething all day but I have realised it is him with the problem and not me. I phoned my dad to have a bitch about it, and my brother had already rung, so it all feels a bit like I'm telling tales but dad agreed that my brother was just being stupid. It has actually made me even more determined to make something of myself as I can see them as an example of what I could become if I don't try hard enough