I've been with my fiancé for five years and we have two children together, a dd aged 4 and ds who is 2. When I was pregnant with our son he had an emotional affair with someone online. Although he says it was never sexual they did discuss how good sex was in the morning and he didn't stick up for me when she told him he should go out and find someone else to fuck instead of me. I found out because he wrote a letter to her starting My Dear Sexy name. I chose to stay and work things out as our situation was very stressful and complicated at the time (long distance, interfering toxic parents).
Now this year he has become rather close to a female colleague in work. At first I thought that I was just jealous and paranoid so I tried to work on my own issues and be honest with him about how I was feeling. He talked about her a lot. At one stage she discussed how her friend was with a bloke and how she had his hand on his cock and he had his hand on her cunt and he went on about how it was great that she is so open and how he wished that I was more like her. I told him that this was out of order and asked him to back off. He frequently says that she is a lot like me, that she reminds him of how I used to be.
A few weeks ago he got rather drunk and started ranting on about how he loves her like a sister, that nobody is going to come between them and how I won't make him choose between his friend and me. Now I never bloody asked him to choose, I asked him to back off. Every day they go out for smoke breaks and lunch breaks. They message each other in work quite a lot and he talks about her so much sometimes it gets on my nerves. When I asked him to back off, he was telling me about a chat he had with his mate outside but didn't tell me until I asked that she was there and shouted at me saying I was paranoid. He also didn't tell me that he hugged her (just as a friend) so if that was the case why lie and then why blame me for lying.
Last night we had a blazing row over her. He sat in my car with the engine running drinking beer so I grabbed the keys and the beer (not the wisest move I've ever made) and the beer started squirting everywhere. I got a bit of a fright as I knew I'd make him angry so he jumped out of the car, grabbed hold of both of my arms and proceeded to push me backwards (he maintains he pulled me). I went flying backwards on the drive. He stormed off to his mate, spends over twenty minutes on the phone to her (although he says his mate was talking to her not him) and didn't tell me about it.
I feel like I'm going crazy. Please go easy on me and tell me if I am out of order here. It looks like I need to go to my gp to see about antidepressents again now too.