Accidentally saw texts from husband to other woman what now

[Angela3350]

Ok so my phone was charging and I used his to look on internet but instead I found twitter msg can't remember right words but
Her- when you coming sexy
Him I'll txt when leaving
Her xxxxx
Him xxxxx
I asked he tried to deny it. Got angry and didn't go to 'football' I asked if anything had happened he said no met once in pub and not since(yeah right) she had set up fake page just between them. He says he doesn't want to go and he would probably have bottled it anyway(whoopee). Here's the best part. I finished chemo and radiotherapy three months ago for breast cancer! Lovely man isn't he. I eventually flipped and told him if I shout at him he will take it he has acted like a disgusting scummy idiot. We have been getting on I'm getting over my anxiety over my appearance, weight gain and curly hair. I don't need this he admits that he needs to see a counsellor. He doesn't know why he did it. I personally want the world to know he's scum. He msg this ow to say he was married and it was a stupid mistake she didn't reply and has shut her twitter account. God what now. I haven't slept a wink.

Do you think you can work through this if you have total honesty, or is this a deal-breaker for you?

The cheater always minimises so you won't have a full disclosure yet. The message that you saw isn't the first one between them - that is quite clear. They had already set up the meeting.

Who is the OW and how has he met/contacted her? A colleague? A prostitute? Dating on-line?

You will need to have STI checks just in case he has slept with her already. Your immune system is compromised with chemo and radio-therapy.

I am so sorry to hear that you are recovering from breast cancer. You have enough to deal with without finding out that your husband is cheating.

^^ this says it all really.

I do wish cheats would stop falling back on that "I need counselling" line when they're caught out. Your H's thoughtlessness is shocking - that he could do this, while you're going through such a difficult experience. Its now for him to be open and honest with you about the whole thing - no excuses, no attempted justification. Then you can make a decision as to whether your relationship is worth saving.

Good luck with everything.

Don't know who it is he won't tell me. He says they haven't met and he doesn't know if she's married or where she lives all utter lies of course. I don't know what to do. I live in a small town so oped illy I will find out. And I'll make sure everyone does. He is constantly worried about how he looks to people even admitted a few weeks ago he'd rather I looked the bad one that him! I told him in my rant to get checked out he said he would so I said well you just admitted you slept with her then, his reply was if I'd said no I would have caused an argument. He needs to grow a spine. Thank you for replying.x

I'd ask him to move out for a few days to give you time to gather your thoughts. There's almost definitely more to this than he's admitting.

Yes I think it's been for a few weeks but he's that stupid he thinks I he denies it then it didn't happen god my stomach is turning kart wheels I can't focus on anything

I'd hate the thought of him protecting the ow and would it a condition of us trying again that he tell me her name. But trying again would be a bit down the line even, of ever.

I'm so sorry your going through this, what an incredibly difficult few months you've had.

He is definitely minimising. Its not their first time and they will have been shagging for some time.

How dare he put OW first by not telling you who she is.

His actions are telling you all you need to know - ask him to give you time and space so that you can come to a decision about your future.

Oh honey

What a pathetic little worm he is!

Sending you strength

With everything you have going on in your life this is one of those times when surely it is unforgivable.

No excuses in my book for this.

Until he comes clean about it all then you won't be able to move on in any direction. Him saying he doesn't know why he did it is also worrying. Sorry but unless he has respect to actually sit down and tell you what it is he had done then I wouldn't engage with him, in fact, I'd have told him to get out, he's protecting himself, and possibly the OW.

If she is a stranger who you don't know, don't know where she lives and have no chance of meeting he gains nothing from not telling you who she is.

So the only reason not to tell you is because that is not true and it is someone a lot closer to home in my opinion.

he said no met once in pub and not since

He says they haven't met

Well it can only be one of these... I suspect there is more to this than he is letting on

I do hope your cancer is in remission

Have you anyone around for RL support?

Think seriously about whether he needs to leave, so you have time and space to process this information and workout what you want to do.

He had a 'rabbit in the headlights' moment when you confronted him. How about telling him that you need a full account - he gets one shot only - and then you'll think about it. Lies, evasions, minimisations, and claims of 'not remembering' or other excuses about avoiding rows are all unacceptable.

Thanks everyone I've put him out. I found out who it was an ex neighbour who split from her husband two months ago they had been msg each other last July and I found out again nothing going on just the potential. He's at his mums still denying it sorry but this is obviously been going on for sometime I'm not stupid. He knows I know who it is. I told his mum I didn't want him to contact me and he hasn't but still saying he's messed up. He's been in pub every night so most likely telling people it was just txtung but I saw the txt he's bloody delusional. I am devastated humiliated and lost. Yesterday was a bad day. X

Oh poor you. What a horrible time.

I think you've done exactly the right thing. I don't believe it's just been texting - Im sure you don't either.

Be strong, these first few days are the worse, but better than being cheated on.

What a nightmare, so sorry to read you're going through the same as (sadly) so many of us on here.

I was the same - 3 times over 10 yrs I discovered my ex texting other women. Each time he denied everything, saying 'it's not what you think'

The first 2 times I forgave him & tried to ignore but it eat me up inside. The third time was the last.

The way I see it now, if the three times were the ones I actually caught him at it, the chances are there was FAR more going on that I didn't actually know about. He was unbelievably secretive so for him to be stupid enough to let me find some texts, means that there were many many more that I didn't.

I didn't care about more evidence in the end. I didn't push for details. I saw enough to know that he no longer loved or cared for me so it was all over.

Be strong and stick to your guns. Remember how he has treated you and ask yourself if you can be with someone who treats you with such little respect. There will be other lovely men out there who won't do this to you.

Good luck you're very brave.