How should I play this?

[Notcutoutforit]

So, last year I had a one night stand with a guy in his twenties (I'm mid forties) who was then leaving to work abroad next day. Basically I needed to get back in the saddle after 5 years with no sex. It was a bit of a headfuck as I wasn't sure whether he'd enjoyed it or not and I obsessed about it for months. Anyway, he has unexpectedly come back to the country and pursued me to pick up where we left off, I put him off for a few weeks (didn't want complications of casual sex, worried about age gap and usual female insecurities blah blah) but contacted him last week and he came round at the weekend. He wasn't feeling too well, he's had a facial injury and he was tired but we started really well with foreplay leading to me giving him a condom to wear. He was very excited up to this point, but I know he doesn't like using condoms due to less sensation. Then as soon as he entered me, he lost his erection. We tried to get him going again but to no avail. He said he wasn't feeling well, I asked if it was me (he said no, I looked amazing -stockings and sexy undies). He left shortly after, saying we could meet up again, but I didn't say anything. Basically I was mortified and blamed myself. He text me when he got home saying he was feeling sick. We've not been in contact again other than me texting him to see if he was feeling better a day or so later (he said he was getting there).
Now I don't know how to play it, whether to contact him or not. We are both single, it's only physical, and my free time is limited as I'm a single mum, but I'm not sure whether to contact him or wait to see if he contacts me. I'm thinking I feel bad about what happened, he will probably feel worse and may not want to risk seeing me again in case it happens again. I feel a bit in limbo but don't want him to think I'm pressuring him if that makes sense?

Any advice chaps? And has this (loss of erection) ever happened to you? Was a first for me so I wasn't sure what to do.

Bump

No harm in sending him another wee text, just go for it. What's the worst that could happen? As for loss of erection, it happens, especially if he wasn't feeling great.

Erection problem aside, what would you want? You don't say anything which gives the impression of wanting to spend any time in his company for any reason.

I agree - its not clear if you want to see him again because you really like him, because you could have sex, or because its hard to feel rejected and seeing him again would potentially fix that. I think if its 1 or 2 then go for it and text him, but 3 is a downward spiral and its best not started.

Look, sometimes the simplest explanation is the right one. He appears to have been keen to see you so the previous encounter can't have been disastrous. He was injured, tired and unwell so although he was keen enough to give it a try, when it came down to it he couldn't actually perform (always amuses me in the movies when Our Hero somehow always has the energy for not only sex but mindblowing, allegiance-changing sex regardless of what he has just been through). Also some men are more affected by condoms than others, but it was still the sensible thing to insist on one.

It would be quite nice to text just to see how he is this morning. Do you actually care how he feels or only how he feels about you?

No harm. I wouldn't worry about what happened, he clearly was not well so put it down to that.

Personally I couldn't have sex with someone half my age, would be like having sex with one of my daughter's friends but each to their own - I assume you're not expecting anything other than sex.

If you want to hook up again, contact him to say it was good to see him and hope he's feeling better, if he fancies a pre-Christmas drink give you a call. Then it's up to him.

If you had second thoughts almost as soon as the door shut behind him, don't bother.

Not that you asked if the age gap could be an issue but my thinking is as you're both over the age of consent it comes down to attraction and chemistry, not been there myself with a younger partner but don't think you sound predatory.

Fwiw the loss of erection doesn't particularly signal any likely recurrence, you are still fairly new to each other and surely wouldn't be a deal breaker if you cared more about the person than the grand finale.

Although there is a big age gap, I don't actually feel my age (or act it , and am always being told I don't look it (more late thirties). And, when we met it was him doing all the chasing; he's the one who's pursued me since he came back too. My DS is only 12 - if I had a child in his/her twenties I daresay it would feel weird to me too!

Yes, it's just physical, not expecting anything else at all, and I think part of the problem is that I don't know what 'the rules' are for a casual relationship - who contacts who, how often, blah blah. I've been divorced for a couple of years and not dated at all (had a very unsatisfactory stint on eHarmony which left me feeling there was no hope for me meeting anyone!), and I looked at this as an opportunity to get back into having sex, especially with a new person so there are opportunities to perhaps be a bit wilder than you would normally be. This is an exciting diversion from RL at the moment, but I've no illusions anything will come of it, and I do wonder if I could end up getting hurt.

I do care about how he feels, not just about me, but when the loss of erection happened I just felt mortified and blamed myself. I suppose I'm wondering how he feels about it, whether he would want to see me again because of it. Chances are I may see him this weekend/next couple of weeks anyway as we often drink in the same bar, so I wondered if the best option was just to wait until I see him again and take it from there.

God I had forgotten what a complete minefield the whole 'seeing someone' scene is! I had thought just having a casual relationship would have been less complicated but it seems not....

Glad to hear about the loss of erection thing too, as it had never happened to me before. I did some googling too, seems lots of men have problems with condoms. However, that would be a deal breaker for me - no condom, no nookie. As he's single, young and virile I am not naïve enough to think I'm the only one....