Another thread.
During the night I checked DP's skype. Found out that the girl who I saw had sent him rude pictures last year (summer 2012) had actually been talking to him for several months and they met up a few times. She's only young and she bats him off a lot. I don't believe anything happened. More because of her than him. She is a virgin and to be honest doesn't seem as into it as him.
I confronted him with this today. Overnight I took his door key off the ring and then whilst he was at work sent him a message telling him not to come back. Not to contact me. Contact my brother if he needs anything. And told him what I knew about.
Obviously straight away he turned up. The door is bolted. He knocked then rang me. I hung up. I text him saying contact my brother he said he didn't have his number (whoops nor do I). I answered the phone eventually and we spoke for an hour. After I pointed out he hadn't said sorry, he said sorry. He said sorry several times after. Told me he loved me. That he didn't know what to say or do. That he was scared. Scared of being outside (huh?). Scared of moving to a new place (he's taken a job up north, I was due to join him in summer).
I pointed out how bloody scary it would be for a woman living with a man she couldn't even look at, or trust. How horrible it would be to have to know that your DP can't go out because you won't let them.
His excuse, essentially, was that when I gave him the opportunity to be honest a year ago (after finding something else out and splitting up), he didn't remember the prostitute bit because it had been nothing and 6 month ago and just for a thrill. And that he thought, because I knew about the pictures, that I already knew about the other girl and the meet ups. I pointed out that he (this was a bluff) met up with her AFTER I found the pictures so of course I didn't know. He didn't deny this and I think it'd be well remembered if he did or did not cut contact as requested by me at the time (pretty laid back I was!).
Anyway, I now don't know what to do. He's apologised and told me he won't do it again. He hasn't done anything since the last time I spoke to him (maybe true) and that nothing physical has ever happened. He admitted one other thing and I thanked him for being honest- that a girl kept phoning, texting and trying to add him on social media. I actually already knew this because I'd been rejecting her friend requests and seeing that he'd been doing the same.
I asked him about one other woman. An older woman he'd text (only say one saying 'are you ok?') and is friends with on Facebook. Pointed out it's really odd and not on to add local women you don't know. Obviously it reeks of intention and he said yes ok maybe that's weird. MAYBE THAT'S WEIRD?
I asked him to think about what he'd do if I was his mother. I said if he was my brother in law or father, I would be battering him with a bloody stick but because it was my problem he was getting off lightly.
I don't know what to do now. He is ringing back in a few hours. I said leave me for some time because I firstly need to think and also I have 2 assignments for college due in tomorrow which is not helpful. And work this evening. And I have to take the dog out but am too scared to leave the house in case he sees me or takes her or something. Although he doesn't have anywhere for her to live so maybe he wouldn't.
Just need some hand holding and shaking, please! I am doing the right thing, right? I contacted an old friend on FB and she said I was right and to take some time and really think thing through. Good advice?
Apologies for such a long message this has literally just happened and writing it is helping me cope.
Oh and I jumped on him like a badger (dirtybadger?) down the phone when he said he'd been spending a lot of money on porn sites because we hadn't been having much sex. Yes because of something he did 6 months before, idiot! He did then say no no not your fault just explaining.