Breaking up- wait until after christmas or just do it... thinking about kids

[dbls1]

been together 12 years, 2 boys age 7 and 1,
can't take his alcohol and depression, stealing money from me so have both agreed it's over. (when he's good he's amazing, when he's bad, it's awful.)

Only trouble it's so close to Christmas. I thought it'd be best to wait until after Christmas but after 3 weeks of trying to be a tag team- kids staying put and both of us coming and going I'm a complete wreck and just want out.

I 'fell asleep on the couch' and he started work at 4am i couldn't hear baby crying so my 7 y old came to tell me, but i wasn't in the bed so he ran around the house screaming where are you? and turning on every light in the house hysterical. That afternoon he was sent home from school ill... i think with delayed shock.

Kids are obviously realising somethings up so should we just make the break now or try and see things through till after christmas?

Any advice welcome, really hate all this... just feel completely broken

Christmas is a really difficult time. Do you have somewhere to go with your children? How long has this been going on? Do you have support?

Sorry you're having a hard time. Is he planning on leaving and you stay put with the kids. If this is the case then yes, I actually think it might be better to get in with it. Maybe you could still spend Xmas day together?

dbis1
I posted almost the same title post 12 months ago and was advised unanimously to make the split final asap....

I felt so guilty about the family unit ending (even though he was the one ending it!) and, if Im honest, was hoping he'd change his mind so i agreed to let him stay for 1 "last family Christmas".

I sooo wish I'd taken courage from the mn responses and believed them that I'd be strong enough to deal with Christmas as a solo parent.

This year he will come at the time I have set and leave when I want. My DC (14 and 10) are fine with that and don't want extra time
Ime when it's over it's over and it's just mental torture dragging it out for the sake of one day.

Thank you for getting back to me, i really appreciate it :-)

Cutitup- yes My parent's have said I can move in with them until I work out what to do next... Really I've wanted out since the summer and I did say it's over then, but he said he'd change and didn't want to break up our family... he didn't change so it's a vicious circle :-( He's been hard work for the last 8 years

mammadiggingdeep- he's refusing to move out- the house belongs to his mum, although I'm the one paying for everything while he freeloads and he can't actually afford the house on his own. It would make more sense for him to leave but he's yet again thinking about himself

thank you Goodenuffmum I really appreciate your comment, how did you tell your kids in the end?

That's rubbish and very selfish if him. In the long run it might be best for you to have a totally fresh start though.

Is there somewhere you can go before you rent/buy your own place then?

I think you should go now, drag it out. It's likely you'd have a better Christmas at your mums anyway as he won't be there causing stressful situations.

*don't

I left my DH in the first week of December. New home set up in a week, christmas as 'normal' as it could be and a lot less stressful than if I'd stayed.

I made him sit down with me and the boys and was honest with them. I told them daddy didn't love mummy and was moving out. I emphasised that parental love is different from romantic love and that we would be ok.

DS (10) cried when ex told him he hadn't loved me for years charming! and pointed to the wedding photo from 2005 saying "so was this a fraud too?"
DS (14) hugged me and told me we would be fine!

And we are ..

People tell me kids only need 1 stable parent and I hold on to that. i just hope they haven't learned their DF's drinking habit

Yes, do it now. I stayed over Christmas and it was HORRIBLE.