Do I LTB?

[WoIsMe]

I'm so tired I feel incapable of making the correct decision. My DS3 is a terrible sleeper and I have had over a year of repeated wake ups every night. He has slept through seven times in 13 months, all other nights I have been up between one and ten times with him. The last three nights have been particularly bad so on the third wake up at about midnight I suggested to DH that he go and sleep in the spare room and I would bring DS3 into bed with me so that at least one of us (i.e. DH) would get a good night's sleep. DH refused but said DS3 could sleep in between us. That's no good IMO because then we both get disturbed sleep and I end up right on the edge of the bed without enough duvet to cover me. So I have ended up in the spare bed - a single - with DS3 who is finally asleep however I am wideawake and infuriated that DH is fast asleep on his own in a kingsize bed while I doze next to DS3 hoping he won't roll out of the single bed. At least I have enough duvet to cover me and enough space to lie on my back so I'm better off, but it's still not great and I've only had two hours sleep tonight.

I'm so tempted to take DS3 and just get on a plane tomorrow and go to my mum's. I'm sure she would look after DS3 for me so I could at least get an afternoon nap. She would probably help out at night as well so I would get a bit of respite. I need some sleep so badly but now I'm just lying awake seething at the thought of DH keeping the big bed for himself. I've slept on the floor before with DS3 in with DH, and I've spent a couple of nights trying to sleep on DS3's cot mattress with him. It's been a year of terrible sleep and I just can't take any more.

Sorry for the stream of consciousness post and probably multiple typos. Maybe now I've got it off my chest I'll be able to get to sleep.

Oh dear it does really sound like you need a break. Yes your DH was being selfish and thoughtless but it also sounds like you are at the end of your tether. Would it be realistic to go stay with your mum for a while? If so, go! You will get some badly needed sleep and also a chance to clear your head ( the bastard will probably miss you too..!)

HTH

If you can definitely go to your mums for a break. Sleep deprivation is awful and your 'D'H sounds a tad selfish tbh.
Have you explained to him just how exhausted you are??

Didn't want to read and run, sending massive virtual hugs because sleep deprivation and exhaustion are awful.

He does sound selfish, my ds has been poorly this past week and so slept in our bed...I was like a massive, cold, uncomfy cat curled up at the foot of the bed whilst ds and dh (dick head) star fished!

Defo go to your mums for a bit of r and r. Maybe he thinks he'd be being selfish in leaving you but I would also explain to him that when you're sorting him out its stressful enough without tip toeing round because you don't want to disturb him.

Can he not take over this weekend to let you recoup? X

Why didn't you leave your son in the double with his father and you go to the singlein your own?

Anyway, yes, get some support. You need to sleep.

DS3 was crying Vivacia and DH went in and shouted 'go to sleep' to him which made him cry even louder. So he really needed a cuddle, there's no way he would self-settle after being shouted at.

Anyway DH came and took DS3 to bed with him at 4 so I got a couple of hours sleep after that.

I wish I could just go to my mum's but I know I won't. I'll look at flights but not actually go.

You need some support from somewhere. Your husband can't have everything his way. He either can't give his son the care he needs and sleeps on the spare bed or he stays in the double, soothes him and allows you to have some sleep.

What happens when your husband's not at work? Can you book in to a hotel for the afternoon, if not the night? (Not all of you! Just you for some sleep).

Why wouldn't you go? You need support, and you're getting none at home.

Go to your mums, OP. Book the flight and get on the plane!

You and DS go in the kingsize bed

H goes in the single.

Or he does bed time.

Without shouting.

Crap spectator parents make me sick!

Who has to work in the household? Are the other kids out the house in the day?

He works full time, I'm on maternity leave, DS1 and DS2 are at primary school.

WoIsMe, why doesn't H sleep in the single bed and you and DS sleep in the king-sized?

So he screamed at a tiny baby?

I think you would have had more room in a 'huge' kingsize than in the single tbh and I think it was nice of H to suggest you all sleep together.
How tired can you be if you a considering taking a plane with DCs that will be more exhausting surely?

Sleep deprivation is awful. I feel for you. I've had about 10 full night sleeps in 3.5 years.

Posted too soon...

Meant to say it makes you see smallish things as huge unreasonable things...try to talk to your dh about all this...

That's what I want to know Livid, he should be ashamed of himself having the big bed to himself while I try and sleep with a toddler in a single bed. He didn't scream Hansie but he sternly shouted said Go to sleep which made DS3 scream hysterically which was somewhat counter-productive.

It's only a 40 min flight Cjel but I ended up staying put. As Mamma pointed out, you lose all sense of proportion when you're chronically sleep-deprived. Honestly I thought DS1 and DS2 were poor sleepers but DS3 is unbelievably bad.

I went through a break up in the midst of my worst sleep deprivation (toddler and very you g baby). My ex was being an arse but a lot if it I think escalated in my mind because I was so irritable, so run down and just resented him for everything because I just felt so crap all the time. Lack of sleep makes you feel miserable. Try to get some sleep if you can. Seriously, consider booking into a premier inn type place for a night.

You don't say what conversations you've already had with your husband about this?
Yes, he should give up the large bed, but have you actually told him too?
Outright: I need the double, off you go.
He doesn't sound great, but let's not lose the fact he came and took his baby at 4am - he's not a totally clueless selfish arsehole.
My sympathy to you - mine didn't sleep through til she was 3.5, and my ex NEVER helped without being told "do X".

Hello WO, How are you feeling today?x

Not too bad thanks cjel. I think I hit a low point after the fourth awful night. DS3 was crying again last night and DH wants to take him to the GP to find out if something's wrong as he wakes up screaming and arching his back but then settles back to sleep once the pain has passed. He doesn't seem to have any issues during the day which makes me wonder about reflux when he's lying down.

I think DH regards me and him sleeping separately as a no-no so that's why he doesn't want either one of us in the spare bed. I think it's better for at least one of us to be getting a good night's sleep so that we aren't both tired and grumpy all the time.

What's LTB stand for (sorry)

LTB = Leave The Bastard

I can see where your DP is coming from. He doesn't want to get in the habit of sleeping separately. I think we've all read about couples who start this way and don't come back to the same bed/lose their intimacy etc.

Do you have a friend who can take DS out for the afternoon so you can nap with the baby?

Put the cot next to the double bed if there's room? then you still get to bed share with your husband, but you don't have to get out of bed yourself. He can wear ear plugs if you are on primary night time duty.