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Original poster

Why do people think this way?

14 replies

malinaaa · 09/12/2013 21:54

Hello everyone,

I posted a few times before about a new relationship that I started with a man I met through work and you always give me good advice Thanks

The background of the story is that I got divorced around 1 year ago, after being married for 9 years (I'm 30 now). It was a very turbulent time and I'm trying to move on to better times. About a month ago I met a man through my work and we started seeing each other and it has been going very well. We get along, great chemistry, he is very kind and respectful. Even though it has been great, we haven't met each other's friends or families yet.

So, I recently started telling people in my life about him and I got some very hurtful comments. See, I work as a medical interpreter (I go with non English speaking patients to appointments and translate what the doctor is saying). The man I've been seeing is a doctor (Psychiatrist - Confused). When I started telling people about the relationship, I got many comment suggesting that I'm a gold digger or that I'm dating above my level. I find it really unfair, I may not have that level of education or financial success, but it doesn't make me stupid or less of a person. I'm certainly not with him for his money. Nobody has said this to me directly, but I've been getting subtle remarks like that and I can tell it isn't just good natured teasing.

I may just be overly sensitive to this because when I got married, neither my parents or his approved, so I was bullied a lot and called many nasty names. I'm also worried that if my coworkers (who I consider friends) think this way, what on earth will his friends thing?!

I don't know what I'm asking, I just need to rant a bit because this is so frustrating!! Sad

OP posts:
Whatnext074 · 09/12/2013 22:06

What business is it of anyone else?

As long as you're both happy, it's nobody else's life. Ignore the opinionated people.

Hissy · 09/12/2013 22:13

How did they phrase the comments?, was it 'ooh good catch, or you'll be alright then, or was it nastier and jealous?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 09/12/2013 22:40

I would put money on it that they are jealous.
Don't be mistaken that people who you consider to be friends, don't get jealous, because they really can.

Not a nice trait, but sadly very common I am afraid.
My advice would be to stop worrying about them (they really are not worth it), and enjoy your lovely new relationship x

coffeeinbed · 09/12/2013 22:45

It's only been one month!
Don't overthink this, and it's far too early to meet each other's families.

pippop1 · 09/12/2013 22:48

What nasty people you know. If you like him and he likes you so what!

CailinDana · 09/12/2013 23:08

No one would ever say something like that to me. Know why? Because my policy is, if you express opinions about my life then I consider that an open invitation for me to express opinions about your life. Don't give peole the power to control you. Stand up for yourself!

MamaPingu · 09/12/2013 23:14

Sod em! Is all I have to say Smile

If you're both happy who cares?
Try enjoy yourself and not worry about others, like others have said this may be the green eyed monster making an appearance in family and friends!

Original poster
malinaaa · 09/12/2013 23:26

Thanks for the advice! Thanks

I think that the problem is really with me. I know I should ignore it, but it's difficult because of my past experiences. I'm really not thinking about meeting his family or getting married or anything like that. I want to take things slowly so this isn't a problem. I'm just thinking about someday in the future, if we do stay together, I hope they won't hate me! I had such a hard time and want to make a new start with my life, but I guess no matter what you do, there will always be some problems.

OP posts:
antimatter · 09/12/2013 23:29

Hello - we've met on another thread (if you remember)

What exactly did they say?

who are they?
are they your friends of colleagues at work?

there may be jealousy or someone tries to be overprotective and says silly things to you

Monbrow89 · 10/12/2013 10:40

Hmm I don't know about others but I'd have thought you'd be pretty clever to be multi-lingual and work as an interpreter? FWIW I'd say just ignore them and some of the remarks may be based around jealousy.

TimidLivid · 10/12/2013 12:07

They are jealous ur basically dating a doctor which is something my mum and all my aunts wished for their daughters , to marry a doctor or lawyer is considered by some to be the peak of their aspirations . They are being unkind and jealous .

Yellowcake · 10/12/2013 13:15

Can you tell us exactly what the comments were, OP?

I have several psychiatrist and medic friends and they do not actually earn the sky-high salaries your 'friends' appear to think, if they are accusing you of gold digging! I think they'd be highly amused to think they were the target of someone with pound signs in her eyes! Grin

Ephiny · 10/12/2013 13:24

It could well be jealousy. Generally when people are happy and secure with their own lives and their own choices, they don't feel the need to try to pull others down.

You have nothing to feel ashamed or lesser about. It sounds like you're an educated professional doing an important job just as he is, and even if you weren't, there's more to someone's value than their employment status or income.

Try not to let it get to you. The risk is that if you get all defensive about it, that's going to come across if/when you do meet his friends and family, then they react to that, you assume it's because they disapprove of you, and...self-fulfilling prophecy!

Anniegetyourgun · 10/12/2013 13:29

Jealousy or a sort of reverse snobbery is my guess - probably subconscious. "People like us" don't date "people like them", so if you're one of "us" you shouldn't be seeing "them", whilst if you're one of "them" you shouldn't be socialising with "us". It would probably have made perfect sense 300 years ago.

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