on the verge of splitting...

[PTFO]

background: for the last year I have wanted a 2nd child. DH does NOT.
we have talked, I have waited in hope that he would change his mind. we both went to see a counsellor. dh will not changed his mind, his reasons are all based on what if's. Nothing solid apart worrying about the effect on our marriage due to lack of sleep and my previous PND. I have gone through what we can do to avoid PND but its falling on deaf ears.

Im devastated. angry hurt. how do I make our otherwise good relationship work when he has made this choice for me. Ive told dh that this may well spell the end for us as I cant see how I can live with him knowing he made this choice even though he knows how strongly I feel. It seams we are both willing to give up our current family on this one. I REALLY don't want to, but how do I accept this, I just don't think I can without hating him. If I stay how does this not destroy us anyway?

Yes I know someone will tell me how selfish I am etc etc trust me If I could switch this off I would.

please tell me what to do.

So you would be willing to leave your dh over this? In order to find someone else to have a child with? Or would you just have another child on your own? Have you thought that through at all?

He doesn't want it, you have to accept that. You can't force a child on him. He hasn't made the choice for you, he has made it for himself. You are wanting to make the opposite choice for him, that would be just as bad.

If you can't accept it then you are just going to have to leave, I guess.

Im not WILLING to leave I just don't know how I live with it. how to live with him having forced his choice on me and yes it is forced we are married. I wouldn't leave to have a child with someone else, I love my dh, I just don't know how to handle the anger and resentment directed at him.

why do people assume if I leave then its to shag the first bloke that comes along. I don't want anyone I want the family I have just one extra.

Maybe also look at it from the perspective that you want him to let you make the decision on a baby for him-even if he feels strongly the other way.

You can't force someone to be a parent-that's their individual decision as it's a lifelong responsibility. It's not about "giving you a baby".

Could you be smashing heads because you don't give his opinion as much weight as yours? I understand it because I know what it's like to really want a baby-but you need to be united in your decision-the child deserves that too.

I'm really sorry you feel you are trapped between a rock and a hard place. I hope you can reconnect with your OH and work it out!

Sorry but how can you call that "nothing solid"? I don't want another child because the last one was such a bad sleeper, we were both sleep deprived for over a year. It had a huge impact on our relationship and I don't think mine would survive another bad sleeper. That's not just a what if. That's knowing your physical limits and capabilities.