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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has just walked out.

18 replies

grumpyoldbat · 09/12/2013 20:06

I've been a horrible wife recently, pretty useless tbh.

I've been so caught up in what needs doing I've not paid attention to what he wants. We've just had a big fight about it which resulted in me accusing him of being unsuportive and him storming off out.

I don't know what to do in the practical sense and I'm not even sure if I want him to come back yet I'm scared he's not safe.

OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 09/12/2013 20:16

Why are you scared he's not safe? Is he drink-driving? Suicidal?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 09/12/2013 20:17

"I've been so caught up in what needs doing I've not paid attention to what he wants."

What's he been caught up with while you've been sorting everything out?

Has he benefitted from these "things that need doing"?

Vivacia · 09/12/2013 20:29

Can you give us more of a picture? What's been distracting you, and what's he been doing?

Vivacia · 09/12/2013 20:29

And yes, why are you worried and why are you conflicted about wanting him back?

Lweji · 09/12/2013 20:29

So, by you being caught up in what needs doing, do you mean taking care of the children and the house by yourself?
And you accusing him of being unsupportive, is that because he hasn't contributed a fair share?
And you not paying attention to what he wants, does that mean sex on tap, lots of one to one attention at the expense of the children and the house (and work?).

If that is the case, I wouldn't be sure I'd want him back either.

Why may he not be safe? Has he been drinking and has taken the car? Has he made any threats? Ring the police with the car registry so that they can look for him.

ArtexMonkey · 09/12/2013 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
grumpyoldbat · 09/12/2013 20:37

He's so angry smashed his plate and chucked his dinner. I'm worried someone will look at him the wrong way and he'll lash out.

I suppose he's benefited from some of it, I've brought money into the house and cooked. But most of what I've been caught up in is trying to pass my course which is selfish. The fight was triggered by me complaining he wanted to go away visiting when I'm due to do 3nightshifts therefore I now need to find childcare the Saturday before Christmas. I feel guilty now I didn't realise how homesick he felt.

OP posts:
HankyScore · 09/12/2013 20:38

What Artex said.

With bells on.

coppertop · 09/12/2013 20:42

"I'm worried someone will look at him the wrong way and he'll lash out."

I suspect he's one of those people who can suddenly control their temper when faced with someone who is bigger or stronger than they are.

BitOfFunWithSanta · 09/12/2013 20:43

Hello Grumpy!

Perhaps this is just the opportunity you need to turn your life around?

I read this article today I thought immediately of you- well worth a read to help yourself. Lots of MNers would also find it helpful.

All the best and good luck Xmas Smile

tinmug · 09/12/2013 20:52

The fight was triggered by me complaining he wanted to go away visiting when I'm due to do 3nightshifts therefore I now need to find childcare the Saturday before Christmas

Why do YOU need to find childcare? Why can't HE find the childcare?

Lweji · 09/12/2013 20:55

Do you think he's homesick or just wants to sabotage your course?

Why is doing a course selfish?
Is the course supposed to give you qualifications for better work, or just something you decided to bury money on?

My exH used to lash out and be extra demanding of my time when I had deadlines for work. The poor thing who kept himself on the computer most of the time or asleep on the sofa felt neglected then.

Lweji · 09/12/2013 20:58

And if he lashes out at someone and gets put in jail or gets beaten, it's his problem.

I bet he's not angry, not to lash out at random people. I believe that rage is for you alone. Because he pulled the rug from under you and you didn't fall immediately as he wanted.

Longdistance · 09/12/2013 20:59

He needs to find the childcare, not you. You are working, he's probably out enjoying himself. Therefor you working trumps his visiting.

But, by the sounds of it, he's a turd anyway! Be had he's left...I'd be leaving his bags on the doorstep for him to pick up, and shouting FREEDOM!!

Original poster
grumpyoldbat · 09/12/2013 21:05

The course is to try for promotion. I'm being sponsored by my employer so it's costing time only although a lot of it. I have an essay due next week.

He's definitely homesick and I overheard him on the phone to his mum and she seemed to be encouraging him to come before Christmas although I do sometimes feel he us sabotaging me. He invited his friend for the weekend immediately before I had exams.

I've not called the link big gave me but I did find and print off some cbt workbook stuff at work.

OP posts:
Lweji · 09/12/2013 21:28

Why isn't he taking the children, then? His mother would probably like to see them.

AureliaDarling · 09/12/2013 22:15

You STILL haven't sorted the counselling you need. Come on! Re. Dp. he is a twat as he was 2 years ago. You have to go to work. He is SAHP? He needs to sort it. If he won't it's best that he goes.

AureliaDarling · 09/12/2013 22:17

What's the course? I thought you were working part time as a qualified pharmacist and doing a nursing degree? Did that change?

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