What am I doing ? this could be long

[whatamidoing]

brief history: married, 30's, children

DH and I have had a rough patch for about 2 years prior to that there has been DV, which resulted in 2 physical incidents, calmed to temper, throwing things, shouting, at me and kids. Possessive, not liking me going out calling my friends sluts, commenting on what I wear, not liking me working late but liking the rewards. Makes no effort to plan for family but goes above and beyond for friends and his family. Slags of my family constantly. All came to a head and we almost split, I wanted to seperate he promised to change, for 3 months he had. We did the dating again thing, time alone, making sure we talked, etc etc. However the dating has stopped, we had a blow up again where we haven't resolved the issue and I'm still simmering. On the up side he responded really well to an issue I had at work and was lovely. He doesn't initiate sex, but will grope me at all other times of the day.

o.k. so for the what am I doing bit - have gotten very close to another man, he has made it plainly clear he would love to sleep with me, has no intention of leaving his wife, we have kissed and cuddled and I think if opportunity presented itself I'm not sure I would say no to more.

I understand the risks, I know he has a wife and the hurt this causes and I'm not excusing my behaviour. Have had on line relate session to get advice, which basically told me I knew what was wrong and to talk to DH.

I've got issues an affair isn't going to sort them out, but I don't feel as if there is enough wrong in my marriage to end it and disrupt my childrens lives. On the surface we get on, but I feel that there is something lacking, am I just looking for some greener grass. Btw I have never been unfaithful, and morally it is something that I abhor, have spoken to my best friend who knows me and has said I've obviously got serious issues as to even contemplate sleeping with someone else is just not me. We've discussed if I could be depressed, but I can find joy in lots of things, it just seems to be my relationship.

Not sure what advice anyone can give, but maybe reading this back will help

Man, why do people feel the need to go around complicating everything and making it 10 times worse than it needs to be!?

GROW UP!

Rise above this and walk away.

Start a love affair to last a lifetime: with yourself.

Didn't read this whole thread, sorry!

Congrats for taking the high road!

Thanks mellowma- that was nice.

Sometimes I feel MN must be sick of me harpping on about my experience but I now feel a strong need to try and help (I hope) people going through this situation (from either side)because it happens to good people and it can very slowly be mended.
I just recall how lonely I felt and how much I desperately wanted to talk to someone who'd been through it at the time it happened- then I found MN.
lovely to hear from you, take care.

expat not a problem

maturer you have my full admiration, and no we don't get sick of you, your experience is invaluable to us, and the way you put it across is amazing.

the way things happened for your DH sound very similar to what happened to me, and in some ways I think the guy was more adept than me and I know he'd been unfaithful to his wife once before at least (he told me) so looking back now I think I was nicely guided along the little steps, and fell for it hook line and sinker.

It's when I've been think of your wife, your family, if you want me you would have to leave (not that I wanted him to) but laid it down to see what his reaction would be, he never would (couldn't do it to the child !) that's why NP's posts hit home so much

I am the type of person (usually) who would never have let someone kiss me, would see lines like his miles off.

I am ashamed that it happened, and I'm just so glad it didn't go further, I would have hated to have been a contributer into someone elses unhappiness (his wifes)and now Im looking at him and can't believe he could have carried on the way he did (or me for that matter) and then go home and act as if nothing was happening.

I'm coming to terms with what I've done, and making good in my own marriage, with a wonderful man who has worked hard to overcome our difficulties with me.

I am now going to change my name for good on MN to help put all this behind me, I really just want to forget about it now.

Good luck maturer sharing your experience really does help people like me come to our senses, and hopefully not cause the hurt that you have had. I really wish everything good for you xx