Hi MN, tried to keep it as brief as possible but I don't really do 'brief'! in fact I do lengthy :(
Basically DP and I have been together for a bit over 3 years. Early on in our relationship (before the 'official' sort of stage) I fucked up a bit and kissed someone. I was honest and we recovered. Since then I've stopped drinking (completely) and done anything else I need to, to reassure him that nothing like that would ever happen again. I don't flirt. I don't go out 'to town', etc. It's easier not to and I'm not massively social so it just isn't a massive thing for me. I couldn't have done more to show that I am really serious about never doing anything so disgusting (as I think cheating on someone is- whether emotionally or otherwise) again. I have never done anything like that before and it upsets me, 3 years later, to know what I did; especially as I've been on the receiving end so many times.
Unfortunately my DP has not taken the same measures. He has been 'caught out' on numerous occasions with things like inappropriate text messages, nudie pictures, etc.
I am really bloody tired of asking him about these and getting nothing back. Some of the things I've seen, had I seen them (or understood their significance) at the time, would have been deal breakers. Fortunately for him I didn't see a few of the things until recently (they were from 2011). I want to ask him about them but I almost can't be bothered as he is not likely to make any great response.
All I want, apart from all of these things to have never happened (duh) is for him to hold his hands up and fess up about everything. Last year we had a big fall out- I moved out and although we got back together after a week of him begging I didn't move back in for about a month as I didn't want to rush back into the relationship. We had (well, I) recovered from this, I feel, in the last month or two and our relationship has been very healthy and happy.
I am so disappointed to have unearthed more bullshit. I feel crazy for caring about stuff that happened so long ago but it really bothers me that he didn't take the opportunity when I gave him it- with absolutely nothing to lose- to tell me about what I've now discovered.
How can I persuade him to open up more and be honest about what he's done? He never seems to take responsibility for his actions and I end up feeling worse for ever having mentioned it. Honestly some of the things are quite minor (some not) but there are just so many of them and so little disclosure that in my mind even after 'talking' (me, not him!) about them they nag at me. Enough tiny unresolved things become one big messy thing.
It's really important that he learns to be honest as in less than a year we are supposed to be buying a house together. I don't want to go into that without everything from the past having been dealt with but feel like as such as weak person I probably will.
It's so frustrating because he doesn't appear to be able to see that I am willing to try to forgive him for all of this, if only he'd be honest and upfront. I have told him that. It didn't appear to make a difference.
:(
Again apologies for long post