Ex messing dcs heads up

[Chocberry]

Would really love opinions on this please. Ex has been having dcs every other weekend. He likes to drink after work but always has far too many. However he knows how i feel about him drinking whilst dc are in his care. He would not wake up in night if they were ill or any emergency if he has been drinking.
This weekend I took dcs over to ex as he refused to meet me half way as we usually do. Arrived at his house and he wasn't in despite knowing the arrangements. I call him and he says he will be 10 mins. He arrives and I can tell he has been drinking, quite a few as well by the look of him.
I knew there and then I couldn't leave the dc with him. I'm ashamed to admit i saw red and we argued. I told dc to get back in car and I took them back home. They were hysterical, they had been looking forward to their weekend with him.
I had made plans too which I had to forfeit due to this.
Since then he has made no attempt to apologise. I do not want to speak or be near him again. I'm not sure what to do for the best. They miss him like crazy and are desperate to stay over.
He will say he won't drink but then he pulls a stunt like this. I don't want to keep giving him further chances.
He has been texting ds saying he only had 2 beers and this is all my fault. Ds is 11 and replied back 2 beers too many. I don't want him texting ds trying to manipulate him. But I can't tell him he's not allowed to text his dad, can I?
They text every day.
So I think the options are to either get him to agree somehow that he will stay sober 4 days out of whole month when dc in his care or stop overnight contact.
He will be a bastard if I do stop contact and will probably say he will not see them at all.
I really don't know what to do for the best.

The 'best' is that your DCs are safe and well-cared for. If your ex has an alcohol problem that's got to be taken into account. Your 11yo seems to understand this already. Is the contact formally agreed or just something you've so far arranged between yourselves?

Your DS is probably fed up with him too.

If you don't tolerate his bad behaviour, they won't either. Or they will be forgiving, but in full knowledge that their dad is a twat.

If he stops seeing them, it will fully be his fault. You are not responsible for his actions. You can't force him not to drink, or to see his children. Stop trying to.

All you can do is to keep your children in a safe environment. With people they can trust and will look after them properly. And will love them enough to be responsible and to be in contact.

If you run after him, trying to get him to be a good person, that's what the children will learn. That they have to beg for love and respect.
He should be the one making the effort to be a parent.

You did right in taking them back, BTW. That is the assertive attitude they need to see in you.

Next time he refuses to meet you, don't take them.

You did the right thing, however upset the children were, and they probably know it.

Having to deal with a drunk parent, hide it from the other parent, keep secrets they shouldn't have to keep should not be a part of their childhood - so I agree with your idea of stopping overnight contact until he can show he's able to have them without drinking.

Is he actually an alcoholic? Because if he is, then my next point is invalid; but if he's not, then really, 2 nights a fortnight isn't too many to go without a drink.

Stick to your guns - in the long run, you are doing what is best for your children and if your ex is too selfish to give up his drinking for his children then it's his loss (and theirs to some extent but at least they'll be safe)

Yes your right I will do what best for my kids. I'm going to leave it up to him to do the right thing and if he doesn't well it will prove he really doesn't give a shit.
It's an informal arrangement we came to ourselves.
I won't be asking him what his plans are for contact or making any arrangements.