not sure if this is the right plce or if it should be on the lone parent section? so feel free to move it if its wrong.
ok story so far...
lived with Xp for 6 years, had 2 children with him during that time. the rleationship was incredibly abusive both physical, mental, emotional, sexual etc etc. much of this was in front of the children. DS has (we think, though its un DX as yet) ASD. i left him when DD was 10 weeks old as i could face having to see her face terrified durint his outbursts the way i had seen ds's. we went ot a refuge, i took the children to see him at weekends throughout the 6 months i stayed there. i was moved via a housing charity after 6 months in the refuge. everything was brilliant until, having lived there for 2 months he found us! we went to a local park and we saw him..he had got a job as the local park keeper! he followd me back to the house and stupidly i let him in. i figuered it would be les stressfull for all concerned if we were able to be civilized and grown up about everything...and i didnt want the neighbours hearing him scream and shout in the street.
he seemed ok at first. like the fact that i had left seemed to have shown him he couldnt behave the way he did. but after a couple of months he tried to stay over..he would make excuses as to why he shouldnt go home. i certianly didnt want him to stay so i encouraged him to leave. at first he would get a bit stroppy but go, soon he just point blank refused. anyway he eventually began violent again and like the idiot i am i just couldnt fac4e telling anyone what was happening and tried to deal with all myself and hide it from everyone again.
after about a year i moved in with my family until i was rehoused..i had finally told people what had gone on.
he is now taking me to court for access to the children. i want tihs stopped as i dont think i will ever be safe with him having access to the children, it is disruptive to ds as he has no idea about his SN he doe com0pletly inapropriate things with him, completly undemines me, and plays emotional guilt on to my ds! ( he is almsot 6 with the functioning age of a 2-3 year old)
so far he has been having them every fortnight on a sunday. i am contesting contact. last time we were in court the judge stopped telephone contact as he was abusing it and would call me constantly. though she said that until the fact finding hearing diret contact had to continue.
that night i had umpteen calls form him tat were very abusive and quite threatening. i went to the police who told me he would be arrested.
i stopped all contact at that point.
that was about 10 weeks ago.
Ds's behaviour has improved dramatically and he is now even allowed to stay to eat his lunch at school. a huge step for him!
well in court on friday we were meant to be having a fact finding hearing. where the judge decides whose version of events are true and what allegations she decides are true in order to make her decision based upon.
well the night before i get a call from my s9olicitor saying that my barrister has been called away and wont be representing me. instead i was having someone completly new. she arrived and hadn't even read my statement!
the judge was different and a complete bitch from the start! she bascily had a go at me as i was breaking the court order by not taking the kids to see him. she wasn't interested in the fact that he had broken an injunction by keep phoning me and threatening me. she didnt care that DS's behaviour was so dramatcily improved. she even said that it didnt matter about his behaviour as it was the holidays soon so he wouldnt be at school!!!
so she has now ordered that i have to resume contact and that if i fail to comply i can be arrested as she has added a penal notice to the order.
she has removed the power of arrest from my non molestation order against XP so he can do whatever he likes now and there is no point caling the police.
she basicly implied that i had been lying about Xop keep calling me even though the calls had been witnessed by a police oficier!
anyway i came out and i was in bits. i could not beleive anyone could be so stupid as to do this.
i kept saying that i didnt care if i go t prison, there was no way i would put ds's improvments in jeapardy by allowoing conatct after so long.
unfortunatly after speaking to parents i realised i really had no choice.
i allowed contact yesterday. (hence no chance of going to the meet up)
well when they came home i had lots of attitude from ds. " you cant tell me what to do" "i'll tell dad and you will be in trouble, he will hit you"
pretty typical of the things he would say after most visits.
then during the night he woke crying. i bought him into my bed with me as i thoght it was a nightmare ( Xp allowed him to watch King Kong with him...have no idea what dd was doing during this as at aged 21 months i doubt she would be sitting still!)
he was pretty inconsolabel and when i asked what it was h said " are you going to go t prison mum?" i said no of course not. he said " yeah. daddy said your going to go to prison and i am going to live with daddy. and get a new school"
i was/ am so angry at this.
how can he be so manipulative of (essentially a 2-3 year old) his own son! i know he has no real understading of ds's needs or difficulties but this is disgusting behaviour in front of any child.
Ds's only under standing of prison is the jails in cartoons. its a place where bad people go and they dont coe out. he was understandably quite disturbed that his mum was a baddy and that he wouldn't see me any more.
i have tried speaking to him about it this morning but obviously his understanding his low. i have made it clear that i wont be goign to priosn and that maybe daddy was just pretending...playing policemen with him or something.
it is so hard trying not to just scream. i have done my very best to shield the children from my own felings of Xp. if i do end up having to deal with contact for the next 11 odd years then i dont want them to feel like piggy in the middle.
unfortunatly XP doesnt see,m to have that same level of common sense.
im so angry and upset all at once.