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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I had an affair

53 replies

changedmynameimashamed · 07/12/2013 20:15

Yes, I had an affair. More emotional than physical. No hand, blow, face jobs of any kind.

Sorry this is very long. . .

I met my Husband 8 years ago he swept me off my Feet, we got married and have 2 absolutely gorgeous children. One of each gender, have a beautiful home, nanny, cleaner, home help, Husband is paid well and we dont have financial issues.

My Husband goes out whenever he wants, receives text/e-mail messages from women. He goes out and has freedom. I however, gave up all males friends (my own choice), gave up successful work to be a Mother (which I now regret), am indoors most of the time, dont have the opportunity to go out as my Husband gets home at 9pm.

I rely on Wine 'O'Clock and joined an extra marital affairs website. I was invisible, ignored, unnoticed for 2.5 years. In my heart I believed my Husband didnt care about me at all. I got chatting to a man who is married, with children the same age as mine and was as sexually depraved as me. He filled a hole, was funny, sexual, affectionate, lovely and made me feel like a woman again.

My Husband suspected something and put software on my laptop & saw the randy conversations we had. We met up on 3 occasions and kissed, it was wonderful. He made me feel alive again. I want him now.

I dont want to leave my Husband however I cant stop thinking about the other man. My Husband frightened him off with a threatening e-mail about telling his Wife and contacting Divorce lawyers.

Please tell me what you think of my behaviour. I know I will get grilled here and in a way I want to be told how silly I am.

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 09/12/2013 23:41

Well that escalated quickly.

Bogeyface · 09/12/2013 23:42

I am very sorry that your unhappiness has left you in a place where you would post such bile.

My first post was nothing but supportive to you. My second was that I couldnt understand why anyone would want to stay with someone who treated them so badly and that I was sad if you would sell your happiness for a nanny and a gardener. I stand by that.]

I have however reported your post. My children are very happy thank you, and I find it very offensive to suggest that being a size 18 would make someone ugly. I am not an 18 but I have been, I have been a 20, and I dont consider I was ugly then or now.

Dirtybadger · 09/12/2013 23:44

What the hell....

I killed a man with a trident.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 09/12/2013 23:45

Somebody been on the Wine ?

You want to knock that on the head. Drunken vitriol makes you look proppa minging.

Bogeyface · 09/12/2013 23:45

Changed thank you also for the equally offensive and vile PM, that too has been reported.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 09/12/2013 23:46

BF, that's a bannable offence. Hopefully HQ will do the required.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 09/12/2013 23:48

((( Bogey )))

changedmynameimashamed marriage might be forever in your book but I assume your book also has some stuff to say about adultery. Either leave or make your marriage work. "Silly" is not the work to use and makes it sound childish and 'naughty'. It's not. It's sad, deceitful and ultimately pointless. Life is short and if you are unhappy, leave.

scarlettsmummy2 · 09/12/2013 23:48

My goodness, what a strange attitude the op has.

I agree with many other posters, if you are that unhappy surely you would leave or alternatively start planning for your own future to become financially secure in your own right.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 09/12/2013 23:50

Wine O'clock has certainly chimed in la-la land. The cuckoo has out-squawked itself.

EBearhug · 09/12/2013 23:51

Have you talked to your husband? I can't see in your posts that you have. He's spying on your emails, you're sneaking about having an affair because you're feeling unhappy and bored and ignored. Does your husband know how you feel? If there's no communication between you, why should he realise how bad you're feeling about things? People aren't psychic.

If you have talked to him about it, and he doesn't acknowledge how you feel, or make any effort to discuss how you can both change things, then it may be time to call it a day, but I don't see that you've actually tried much communication so far, and that surely should be the first port of call.

Fairenuff · 09/12/2013 23:51

What's the problem with saying you are unhappy in your marriage? You are unhappy, you said it yourself in your OP Confused

waltermittymissus · 09/12/2013 23:57

You didn't even try to drag this one out.

0/10

BeCool · 09/12/2013 23:58

Fucking hell - what a bizarre attack on Bogey!!

BeCool · 09/12/2013 23:59

OP you have been very "silly" indeed.

pottytowork · 10/12/2013 00:08

what a loon!

bestsonever · 10/12/2013 00:15

If the op is so bitter about the life she has created so far, the answer is for her to change it. You have a nanny, so why give up work? Go back to it. Can't go out as DH back at 9? Get babysitter and go out anyway. Somehow you managed to get out to meet the OM 3 times so not all that housebound - "oh woe is me" is all this so change it.

bestsonever · 10/12/2013 00:17

And yes, she clearly has 'issues'. Defensive and attacking like that

CremolaFirCone · 10/12/2013 00:20
Biscuit
VanitasVanitatum · 10/12/2013 00:31

I thought the posters were mainly really supportive, including bogey! Pathetic way to talk to bogey change, shame on you.

LivingWellNow · 10/12/2013 07:33

Definitely a baity OP in my mind.

Lazyjaney · 10/12/2013 07:36

and batty....

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/12/2013 07:38

Reported...

jojoanna · 10/12/2013 08:03

Reported

antimatter · 10/12/2013 08:13

I hope you apologise OP!

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 10/12/2013 08:43

Surprised to see that pile of swank still there Confused

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