He left me for another woman and though it was a shock at the time, he did have an affair in our marriage, and yes I was the other woman when we met during our 20s and no children involved.
Now 25 years later we have three children. Two eldest seen off to university (he left when they were doing A levels and GCSE's), plus a DS who has HF autism. Way back, I pushed for his diagnosis, and was told then it would be a special school for him. He would have had to travel at the age of 4 a round trip of 50 miles in heavy traffic. We both agreed that mainstream schooling was the best choice, STBX was helpful at this stage and we got DS there. Our DS is now in mainstream secondary.
DS is having problems with homework. I press for this and suggested a long time ago that STBX takes DS weekend homework. STBX only sees him at the weekend as he lives 200 miles away. I thought it would be a way of them getting to know each other. DS was 7 when his dad left.
Now I find that, having snooped on DS's phone today, because STBX has not texted me regarding picking son up from school and this is most unusual, (the only time he does this is on a Friday), and that my DS said to me this morning he was going to be picked up from school by his dad.
I saw that there were texts on there from his dad saying hope you don't have any homework tonight. This has been going on all week. DS a vulnerable child, has had bullying issues (serious), that has impacted on his school life and attendance. The bullying has resulted in physical violence that has been acknowledged by the school.
My STBX has been emotionally abusive towards me throughout the 20 years relationship (18 years married when he left). He has especially been sexually abusive. Our sex life was so great pre children, but when I became pregnant, after an ovarian cancer scare, he started to be abusive, pressure for sex when he knew I was vulnerable.
I've no idea how to cope with STBX. He's very clever, and I can't get it out of my head that he's somehow controlling me via my son. I have to say that when I request a special weekend off to see someone, it's always a problem.
We did not have a good sex life for the last two years. I had major operations, (not that this was a problem for the guy I had a relationship after husband left), and STBX said he would stay if he could have sex four times a year. This disgusted me. I felt all intimacy was lost. However, he did say that he would get the house, and I would be left to my own devices. I was our son's carer.
How do I cope with this. Currently I have him waiting outside the house to pick DS up. I have had to resort to this because STBX speaks to me in a very derogatory manner. I threatened the police when I could take it no more. I usually kept the peace before this because I didn't want to have any more disruption to family life.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.