I can't believe I was so stupid again (mother related)

[probablyneedagrip]

I have namechanged for this post so it doesn't out me.

Background: my mother Sawyer during my childhood she was very strict when it came to my personal life and education but she was also very lax when it came to actually looking after me. She used to leave me to go on holidays for weeks at a time etc.

She hated my DH and she thought I could do better this was partly because she is very racist and DH is mixed race it is also because when I met DH he had twin boys aged 2 who were black. She thought this was beneath me and she didn't want me to raise his children to cut a long story short she really kicked off and I decided it wasn't worth it so I cut her out.

I then had two DCs with my DH I have adopted his DCs and are happy. My mum found out she had GCs and she begged me for another chance, she swore she had changed. I met up with her a few times she seemed sorry she asked to see all the DCs and bought them all presents she said they could all call her nanna she was so lovely and I really thought she had changed.

She came around at lunch time yesterday and I had picked up the youngest DS(3) from nursery she asked to stay behind and take care of him whilst I got the older DC from school. I said fine. We got back and DS was sobbing she said she had caught him trying to eat chocolate off the Xmas tree so she had told him off. I said okay then, she left pretty quickly and then I noticed DS had a big red mark on the back of his leg. He said nanna did it for being bad. It looked pretty angry I called my mum and she didn't answer. So I left a message asking her to drop by today.

She turned up in the afternoon the ILs had the DCs. I asked her if she knew how the mark had happened she said she didn't know. I asked if she was sure and she said may be she may have hit him. I told her that was completely unacceptable. She said she didn't know any better. At that moment DH came home and she started shouting that it was his fault I was against her and she was fed up of him. She shouted racist abuse about him and our DCs so I told her to leave and she jumped at me and she was scratching at my face and eyes. DH pulled her off and dragged her to the door she said she would be getting him arrested she then stood in our garden and stamped on our flowers.

I can't believe she did it. I am gutted DH keeps saying it's not my fault but I feel awful. I let her into my house knowing she was a SHIT mother and I put our DCs in danger. I am such an idiot

This was just a rant really and a moan at how stupid I am.

Oops posted too soon.
And I need you all to tell me to get a grip and deal with my own stupid choice.

It's not your fault. She was a shit mother and now she is a shit grandmother. Be glad you re-discovered the real "her". Now you can go full "no-contact" and know that she brought it all on herself with her racist, violent and selfish actions.

How awful for all of you. She sounds toxic.

you know what you have to do don't you?

There was nothing wrong with giving her a second chance. She's your mother. She is their grandmother. She swore she would change and she -did- try.

Unfortunately her control slipped and she hit your child and then came out with this racist abuse and physical abuse.

For your children's sake, your DH's sake and your own, you can't risk it again. You know that she cannot control herself (and over such a minor thing as eating a choc from the tree!)

But she is your mother, and now and then people -do- change. Not often, but they do. You were not wrong to try once. Remember that she has had a chance and blew it, but YOU have made the right decision to stand by your DH and kids.

Be gentle with yourself.

EATmum she is toxic but then I knew that so why did I let her back in.

God op! She sounds like a psycho! It's not your fault at all. She said she'd changed and it appeared she had, now you know she is definately crazy. Try not to be too upset. Your little boy will have forgotten it in a couple of days and now you can cut all ties safe in the knowledge that you gave her a good chance to be a good grandmother. Next time she contacts you, tell her to fuck off get lost.

I don't think I could ever trust her again and I won't be contacting her.

Oh love, how terrible!

You did nothing wrong at all!

Your dm did. She chose to hit your son, to shout at him and attack you.

Now you know where you are, your H has seen it and supports you.

Shut the door on her for good.

Please don't beat yoruself up. dryly you have your mother to do that. Don't you do her work and beat yourself up. Pick yoruself up and take a deep breath. You have learned. It's behind you now, bar the kerfuffle in your head.

Concentrate on getting ready for christmas with your darling husband and your four children and leave this hateful and dramatic event behind. You've got love ahead with them and you've chosen that.

Thank you I know I made the right decision but I still feel so bad that I let it happen.

Thank you meerka I shall be doing just that and I will say that I am very lucky to have met my DH and to have the family that we have.