new friendship, i feel stalked. How to deal with it?

[leopardprintsock]

I say friendship, its my neighbour, so there isnt really much escaping.

She moved in two weeks ago, since then shes just hounded me. Shes recently seperated and this is her move with her and the children, i understand she might be lonely and wanting to prove to herself how good her life is now etc, etc, and thats fine.

shes also lovely, really nice. I just dont want to get drunk with her all the time. We had one night, just two weeks ago and since then ive been asked 6 times to go over for drinks. I keep saying no, im busy. Which i kind of am.

When i have DD, its only every other weekend and i work one of those days, its xmas, so we are cramming everything in.

Shes just fb'ed me to ask me to go round this evening, ive not replied within 10 mins so shes just text me the same thing.

I tried explaining to her just 3 days ago, that its a busy time of year for me and ive not got much free time, she said she understood... but clearly doesnt.

Im at a bit of a loss what to do, i do like her, if like to be friends with her, i just dont want to be drunk with her, or see her every few days ( i just dont have time)

help!

Not drinking is easy. Just say you can't as you have an early start, drink gives you headaches etc.

The only thing you can do is keep up the rejections. I would just insist on being busy for the full December/January time span and she should get the message.
Its this or actually tell her she is too full on lol

Just tell her!

Could you try and arrange a night with her that suits you? In a few weeks time? You could say that you are struggling to find any free time so let's get something in the diary.

ive already said that, a few times. Ive told her im not free in dec, a few times. i was quite blunt on monday

she said she understood, and then asked again.

DD is in bed at 7- 7:30 anyway, so i dont know how she thought i was going to go round for drinks. Im not keeping DD up on a school night and im not leaving DD in the house by herself.

its just hard, i feel like a cow.

Not at all. Say exactly that: DD is in bed by 7-7.30 and you've got stuff to do beforehand.

But that's your answer right there! "Oh that'd be nice, but DD's in bed at 7pm and I'm busy until then."

What can she say to that?

That right there, is why being friends with neighbours can be fraught with difficulties. Call me a nasty cow but I generally make little effort to befriend neighbours as you just can't escape them.

Personally I wouldn't explain myself. It only gives room for counter arguments. Stick to the 'sorry, that's not convenient for me' type of response...

So.... how old are your kids?

Is she suggesting you get babysitters in to come for drinks at neighbours?

Can she come to you? How will she feel if you say "I have a slot between 8.30 and 9.30 so come around then, but I need to be in bed by 10. Would that work?

She sounds like a needy egocentric nightmare to be honest.

If you do like her, I'd try to fix a date to do something together-however far in the future - so that you're not just brushing her off all the time. Then just be blunt about being busy till then!

I find it odd that a neighbour of two weeks had your mobile number and is on your FB tbh.

I had this. I started to "sorry I,m off out with friends"
Bit awful, but it all got a bit intense. Neighbour got the message, and now it's just polite hello's if we do happen to meet.

she added me on fb... and asked for my number after i went round for the first time. kind of impossible to say no to someones face, esp so when shes your neighbour.

my DD is 7. she has children around the same age but i think doesnt really do bedtimes ( each to their own... i do)

i think shes just very loney and not dealing with being on her own. Shes not been single long. I think shes just not coping with that and trying to prove how much better her life is, by filling it with stuff to distract her, its ok.... i understand that. but....