Separation & Nativity

[FushandChups]

Sorry - should probably be in AIBU but am quite honestly scared of posting in there.

Anyways, separated from DD's father beginning of the year. She started school this September so her first nativity. There are 2 showings and H thinks we should go to one each - DD will love that apparently.

I think we should go to the same one so she sees us together - it's an important occasion and I know that having us both there together would make her really happy (she has been struggling with the break up).

What do you think - would a rep at both performances be best (me by myself at the first one, him with (I suspect) his girlfriend at the second one)

Am prepared to be told IABU but please be gentle as am a bit sad we can't even agree about a bloody play

Cabrinha - what an uplifting post and don't even have kids ('cause I don't want them, no sympathy or sniping from anyone please.)

I am in exactly the same position as you but with an older child. My ex DH wants us to go to the nativity together.

My DD would be delighted if we went together, but only because she wishes we were still married.

Attending such events together is wrong IMO as it sends out mixed messages.

Fush, for what it's worth I think you have a horrible tough time, all the firsts, for your lo's and you as your new family. I don't envy you and I certainly didn't mean to sound judgy in any way.

I can't imagine what I would feel like if it was the other way around. Your doing a fab job and should be proud of dealing with it all.

Do you want to meet the ow? As in, to know her in a very loose term. I didn't want to be best friends with DPs ex but thought it might be better if we met face to face. No idea if it made any difference, it seemed to for a bit.

Keep smiling, and enjoy what you do with your dc, as they grow its that they'll remember

Agree with all the people who say don't put on a united front, my parents split when I was little and seeing them together I found confusing. Did it mean everything was ok and back to normal?!

Your little girl will be just as excited to see you and her dad there separately and it might just help her to understand a little bit in an environment she's comfortable with.

Thank you all... and for the record voldemort - Jack Bauer every time

Thanks ghettoprincess

Fush - re the OW... difficult one, because of the role she has played in your marriage ending.
Tbh, I think that her going to nativity (if she is) is totally unnecessary.
But from your daughter's point of view...
My girl is the same age, we split up in April, I moved out (we do 4/3 days) in August. So all quite fresh.
I met someone in September, and she's met him. Yep - very soon, a decision that surprised me, but I'm comfortable with - there's a number of reasons.
Anyway - he likes her, but he'd be bored sh*tless at her nativity! So he's not going. BUT - if he did, she'd just accept it.
So... shit as it is for you to think of OW there, it's not as bad for you daughter. And even if she does struggle with it, it may help her to understand that this is where things are - now - which is ultimately helpful.

Good luck with it, it sounds very painful. I hope you and your kids get through this soon.