Separated...got a date on Saturday with H!?

[GoldenMama]

Hi
So not entirely sure what info I should be giving here, but here goes... H and I separated in July (my decision, which seemed then like a semi-mutual one), he took 3 weeks to move a suitcase and himself to his parents then just 2 to find someone else (believe 100% nothing was happening beforehand). I was so shocked and hurt about this as I felt it showed no respect for me or our 12 year relationship. 6 weeks later, he split up from her as it was the biggest mistake of his life, he's really F*ed up and he was trying to move on but can't and all he wants is me. Roughly his words.
Nearly 2 months later and we have had to attend family things together, done some of the old fashioned Husband and Wife activities , and see each other every few days (mostly due to Childcare/contact) but each time he tells me he loves me, and we usually have a little hug.
He seems very different, has looked into some things I asked of him while we were together, says he's trying to better himself, trying not to be an angry person anymore, that he's not trying to bullshit me and hopes his actions will speak louder than words.

Well the long and short of it is that he's coming round Saturday for a date night. I'm confused and not rushing back to anything, but am excited too.

I don't know what I want to get from posting even, just some company and hard hitting opinions please!

Anyone have similar experiences who has made a go of it? How easy is it to forget the OW? (I feel bad for calling her that, but I did feel like he was being unfaithful to me). What should I do?

I think its a really positive thing, there is obviously something still there and the fact that you're feeling excited shows this is something you should be doing and exploring.

I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say yay for you really! I would try and put OW aside, it was clearly a rebound thing and didn't mean anything, more of a trying to mend his pride perhaps.

I don't understand - why separate in the first place if it's so nice being together? You must have been quite pissed off to have wanted to split initially. What's changed, apart from one of you shagging someone else in the meantime?

Thank you.

It wasn't so nice, you are right I was pissed off and had had enough. He was emotionally abusive, I felt like a single mother even though he was in the house it would be me getting up in the night and early every morning and sorting out every meal and bath and bedtime and playtime and childcare that was needed.
I guess I'm hoping he has changed, not just apear to have understood what was going so wrong then, but am struggling to believe that it will be long term at the moment, therefore confused and not rushing anything. But hopeful as we are getting on so well.

Hmm. Be very careful he isn't just wanting to have his cake and eat it.

All this date stuff is nice but it doesn't demonstrate he's ready to start pitching in more at home which is why you split up in the first place.

Seems like sticking a plaster over things a bit.

I think some very sincere heart to hearts and evidence of change are needed before you can go forwards with any real confidence.

I think you will get on really well until you have been fully back together for a while then you will remember why you split in the first place!

Maybe date some other people too so you are really keeping your options open. Big world out there and a lot of nice people in it.

I have seen a real difference in his general interest in me and kids stuff, has offered to come round to put kids to bed a number of times so I can go out, and has cooked for me as well as them when he's had them and I'm at work.

I have considered dating someone else to see how I feel about that too, but am a little scared of that as have only been with H.

Thanks

My dh and I separated under not dissimilar circumstances, in august really, though had lived apart since January (he stayed in old house while selling, kids and I moved into new). Anyway in July when the old house sold he moved in with us, it was awful and he moved back out not that long after.

We have just had a few date nights this past week, and I don't know what's going on. It is nice, and good to be back in the saddle as such, but I think it might just f up our heads ultimately as we are ignoring all the bad times and not being real. Seeing each other when separated, and he has kids 2night, me 5, is not the same as cohabiting. Whether it could lead anywhere is beyond me.

Just my story, but wanted to tell you that you are not alone!! Good luck and hope it works out.

People rarely change fully. That's by so many prisoners re offend, so many cheaters cheat again, so many drinkers return to the bottle etc etc....obviously the odd one does but most don't.

It might be nice for 6 months or so but I reckon once he has you back where you belong (in his eyes) he will revert to type. Leaving is the hardest thing to do and yet you found the strength to do that. Why not find the strength to make it final and find someone who isnt abusive.