Sensitive subject regarding abuse.

[alliedlady]

Name-changed for this.
My dh told me several years ago that his sister (who is now in her 40s) underwent some kind of therapy in her 20s where she recovered a memory of sexual abuse undertaken by her father when she was a child.

She told dh's family about this and her father and her did not speak for a while-as far as I am aware, mil stood by her dh. I say 'stood by' only in the sense that she did not leave my fil or ask him to leave-guess that's standing by him in my book, though I'm prepared to be corrected. She later said that she believed the recovered memory to be incorrect . Fil later died of a heart attack.

I just don't know what to think of this; nobody ever talks about it in the family and my sil is not the sort to allege something like this on the basis of a recovered memory without being certain-or, at least, she is a very very logical person who is almost coldly logical.
That's not a criticism of her in a negative way, but she has a very 'scientific' brain if that makes sense. In other words, she doesn't seem the sort to make such an allegation without being certain beforehand.

All this happened a long time before I met dh-never met his father and I met dh about 2 years ago. It's in the past, but I just don't know how to deal with the subject if it arises and, to be honest, what sort of family my dh's is, either.

Sounds like, if no-one talks about it, the subject is never going to arise. If the main protagonist is dead and the sister thinks she was incorrect then you're into a 'let sleeping dogs lie' situation.

FWIW There was a very similar problem in my exH's family. A sister went through the recovered memory process in an effort to stop smoking of all things, accused her father of abuse (always denied), and the resulting furore caused terrible splits and upsets that to the best of my knowledge have never been resolved. I've since seen various articles severely questioning the whole recovered memory process. Seems the memories can be less 'recovered' and more 'planted'

That sounds hard, OP. Like Cogito says, it sounds like the subject isn't likely to arise spontaneously so I wouldn't worry too much about how you'd react if it does. Are you more concerned with what it all means about his family? Ie what kind of person his mother is if she disbelieved her daughter?

BTW.... if no-one talks about any of this, why did DH feel he had to tell you something that is such ancient and buried history? What was his motivation do you think?

Don't think he had any motivation; we were just talking about recovered memories in response to a news article. tinmug I suppose so; I mean it's hardly going to impact on my life now that he is dead. I'd be much more worried if he were still alive and I had dcs that is for certain. Just makes me wonder what kind of woman his mother is to stay, that's all. She doesn't seem the sort to be cowed by anybody -far from it- and is quite ruthless in her own way.

Oh well, perhaps just best to let it be.