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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My step mum found out.

24 replies

LithaR · 04/12/2013 23:17

I've been stopping at my dads for the past 13 weeks. Had a rough time of it so had a few drinks last weekend and ended up having sex with my step brother. I didn't mean for it to happen and he came onto me. I feel guilty enough as it is because he has a girlfriend and kid. Although he was already fighting with her.

But now his mother has found out and she's not happy. I really don't know what to do. It won't happen again and although I do fancy him i have reassured her i would not do anything again unless he was single. Sad

OP posts:
RollerCola · 04/12/2013 23:20

Oh dear. How old are you both?

BlatantTheRedheadedReindeer · 05/12/2013 00:07

Just tried imagining shagging my step brother shudders eeeeeuuuurrrgghh... That would be like shagging... My brother! Confused

Mind you when I think of my step brother I picture us arguing over a slide when we were 6, or his gross acne pimples when we were 15. I suppose it's different if you haven't grown up with the guy?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 05/12/2013 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CoffeeTea103 · 05/12/2013 00:20

WTF is wrong with youConfused

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight · 05/12/2013 00:20

Snort with laughter @ Mist

BohemianGirl · 05/12/2013 00:22

The OP is a regular poster

TBH I would imagine it's a lot more common than people think.

www.examiner.com/article/is-it-common-for-teen-step-siblings-to-be-sexually-attracted-to-one-another

FWIW my cousin married her step brother Hmm

Although what it has to do with your step mother is beyond me. A little bit of dignity, decorum and be discrete stop discussing your sex life with third parties.

serant · 05/12/2013 00:24
Biscuit
VanitasVanitatum · 05/12/2013 00:25

This doesn't sound like a great situation to be in, especially if you are feeling vulnerable at the moment. Is there somewhere else you can stay to be away from temptation and to avoid any arguments til things calm down?

HeeHiles · 05/12/2013 00:25

I'm actually intrigued how the SM found out?

Idespair · 05/12/2013 01:03

What exactly are you asking? There's nothing to be done because it's happened and unless you have a time travelling machine it can't be undone.
Why us your step brother living with his mum when he has a gf and baby?

Original poster
LithaR · 05/12/2013 09:46

He's not living here. He had been kicked out by his gf and came to my dads to stay. He had forgotten i was living here.

And obviously his mum didn't believe his story about sleeping on the sofa. I'm gutted because i really love and respect my step mum. She's been with my dad for four years and we had a really close relationship. They let me stay here with my son because i had to flee my home due to violence. I'm devastated that for one stupid mistake i could lose everything. I don't know how to make it right :(

OP posts:
houmousandcarrotsandwich · 05/12/2013 09:51

Say the above to SM. She might not be very happy but if you make it clear that it was a stupid, regrettable mistake and how much you appreciate them letting you stay.
No body is perfect and we all make mistakes

AnnabelleLee · 05/12/2013 09:56

Whats with all the Hmm ? Step brother is no relation at all, OP implies they were adults when their parents married, there is no inherent ickiness here.
Plenty of awkwardness, yes, but leave the rest out, its not helpful.

Meerka · 05/12/2013 10:28

actually, if you dint grow up together the natural antipathy between siblings (even stepsiblings) won't be there. There's a name for the bond, or anti-bond, that develops when you grow up together in the same household; it works quite strongly (though now and then it fails) to prevent you from getting together in an intimate way.

If you grew up apart then that anti-bonding does not take place. Hence the occurance of sexual attraction between separately-adopted siblings etc.

That's kind of part of the context. But I think that this is just something you'll have to live with and um, don't do it again - and given that your stepbrother had a gf already, you shouldnt have done it in the first place.

As for your stepmother, she'll have to live with it too. Hope she's discreet!

AnnabelleLee · 05/12/2013 14:05

thats genetic attraction, its totally different. These are just two adults whose parents married, there is no bonding or anti-bonding relevant here.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 05/12/2013 14:10

How is any of this deemed your "fault" Hmm

Does your step mum think you forced her son to have sex with you?
It's his responsibility to not have sex with others if he is in a relationship. Not yours.

I'd tell step mum to fuck off to the far side of fuck tbh. None of her business who you sleep with.

MummyBeerestCupOfCheerest · 05/12/2013 14:21

So, wait...

Your parents got together while you two were adults.
He's separated from his girlfriend.
You just got out of a bad relationship.
You're attracted to each other.
You slept together.
You regret it.

Agree it's not ideal, but not the worst thing to happen.

chrome100 · 05/12/2013 18:43

I know someone that lost their virginity to their step brother when they were both teens.

TalkingintheDark · 05/12/2013 19:12

You say he came on to you.

Does his DM know about that part?

Or is it more convenient to just blame you for it all? I'm not sure how great a step mum she really is if she's just going to make this all your fault, and from the sound of it is threatening to chuck you out, regardless if the fact that he's the one who cheated on his partner and he's the one who initiated sex.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/12/2013 19:14

If you've had a close relationship with your step-mum try talking to her.
Whatever you have done your DS is innocent, if your dad and step-mum gave you shelter in a crisis surely they wouldn't throw him out with you?
If you've undergone a violent relationship you're probably not thinking clearly, especially under the influence. Stay off alcohol, don't see your step-brother on your own again.

Original poster
LithaR · 05/12/2013 21:33

I just want to die. Its all blowing up and I don't know where to turn.

I feel like just ending it all. I didn't mean this to happen and all I want to do now is die. :(

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 06/12/2013 14:58

Litha I've only just seen your last post, are you OK? Is there someone in RL who can help you?

Fontofnowt · 06/12/2013 15:09

Litha you must be withering inside with the shame, guilt, ickiness etc.....

Now let's try and stick to facts.
You had consensual sex with a man who was single while you were and did it for a bit of comfort.
Tell sm you are sorry and it was only a bad choice and then put it away in your cringe box.
After a sincere apology (only for hurting her feelings, nowt else) drop it and don't let anyone beat you up about it.
You haven't done terrible things.
Let yourself off.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/12/2013 15:21

You actually haven't done anything wrong here.
Please don't think you have.
No matter what anyone says.
It might feel like it now but this is not the end of the world.
Everyone needs to calm down and put things into perspective.
Just step away from it all for a bit.
Retreat to your room and ask everyone to leave you alone.
You and your son have been through a lot and come out the other side - you will also get through this. It will blow over.
Your son needs you so get to your own space and try to switch off a bit.
(((((((((HUGS))))))))) For you.
Keep posting for support we are all here to help you.

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