OK, I admit, I have an anger problem... Now what?

[FullOfTestosterone]

Can anyone help?
I have always had a very short temper, but now is ridiculous... I am really angry all the time, and manage to get upset even with a three year old because she spill milk by mistake!
My blood really boils, and most of the time I manage not to do something stupid, but I am always digging at people and sounding like a scarry mummy...
I want to stop! But don't know how!
Have seen Gp, who send me to the psych. I've just learned the waiting list is a year long!

What else can I do?!?!

FullofT: I think the fact you are concerned about things and want to do something to help is great, and shows that you are a caring and assertive person: better than being paralysed by fear or just too scared to stand up for yourself etc,: so there's no reason why you can't channel that the way you want and just dilute the anger bit. So you can get an overview of the situation, and think: yes, something DOES need to be done here, and I may well be the person to do it, but by taking a bit of time and thinking calmly I will be able to take the best possible action.. So it's not like changing your personality at all, it's just managing your reactions and using those good qualities to your best advantage.

Also is there a physical outlet, like some exercise, something quite energetic that gets you knackered, even if it's only once a week due to work and family commitments? Or even things like just making sure you get a half hour to yourself in a nice park or out in nature every week, to just be quiet and think for a while...

I don't know, I'm full of suggestions for others but boiling over all the time myself!!

Exercise sounds like a great suggestion!
Need to find a way to fit in the schedule. I do think if I was more content in myself I wouldn't get hurt so much by others people action and therefore as angry...

So what are you boiling over, Gem?

Whoever said on this thread that behind all anger is fear is bang on the money IME

Enid, can you elaborate please? Sounds interesting..

FoT: I'm usually (fairly) even tempered but highly strung, but since being preg just have a very short fuse and low tolerance threshold, and get cataclysmically enraged a lot! I have no reason to do so (lovely DH, good job, lots of support etc) other than my own hormones, so am trying to find ways to calm down at the moment..

Hoping this will pass after the birth!

The fear thing is def true, usually you get angry because of fear of loss of control, not being respected, fear of something bad happening to someone you love etc..

its a ying yang thing

behind all anger is fear, anger comes directly from fear etc etc

I find it almost always to be true

It is definitely true in my case...took me YEARS to realise that I actually do have anger, quite a lot of it as it happens , I have always just experienced all negative feelings as fear/anxiety. I now know that some of the time when that happens (intense dread/panic feelings) I am actually just blazing angry and my mind is transposing it, because I am afraid of anger, IYSWIM.

That makes no sense at all, does it.

yes it does make sense to me

afraid of anger cos of horrid mothers

find it strangely freeing to admit I am angry these days

Yes, I am geting used to feeling like an actual person I roundly abused a rude old woman on the bus yesterday.

yay!

I have a question: What do you do if you're the kind of person who squashes all the day to day anger down and down until it erupts over something really petty? How do you let it out in small doses? My, err, 'friend' wants to know

Enid and Greeny thanks for trying to explain to me. I am not sure I understand though....
I think I am realizing I am a bit of a control freak... Maybe I do fear loosing control... But I do seem to be anger most for feeling like I am responsible all the time... I think I actually would like to give up control and responsability, and then I could relax...
Maybe you guys are up to something, but is still not quite cliking... Indulge me if I'm not boring you to tears...

Rhian, I am obviously not the person to help because I explode very easily...
Hopefully someone else can help you!

Right. It alaways happens doesn't...

ok it's been a long time since you all wrote on this one but hopeing you are out there to let me know how things are now.

PHEW - glad I found this thread. Been yp-yoing emotionally for over a year and occasionally throwing tupperware about the kitchen or telling ds1 that I will go away and never coming back!!!! Dont get me wrong I am usually very sane.... the little demon has to pay a visit from time to time just to torture the family.
HOWEVER having thought about it rationally my mood is usually due to something crappy DH has done or HASN't done - like mother's day.... need I say more. Never mind feeling wanted, appreciated, condsidered even - there was a card (thank heavens for small mercies) but if ever there is a time when I feel I have been truly HEARD, I might just fall down and cry - for now it is all pent up inside and I am simmering. Angry cos it is the little ones who suffer. Would never ever hurt them but have done verbally which is just as bad. Fantastic day - anyone else having one????

Hi rosiebump

this thread is good isnt it, helped me see that i'm not the only slightly simmering mad woman out there!

I am having major stress with dh at the mo and find the slightest thing can trigger an outpouring of anger from me.
I Try not to do it when dd's are around but it's hard when they are tantruming/ moaning to keep my cool.

I have tonsilitis today and dd2 has a tummybug and dd1
is being very trying and dh is being really unhelpful and i nearly threw his dinner at him!

How you today?

oh it's so lovely to see that I'm not the only completely irrational person out there. My rage gets worse when I can'g get mental space to her perspective. With a 4 year old an 11 month old, a part time job and a DH to sort out I just don't get the space I need and I boil over quite regularly at the moment.

The thing that bothers me is that my dad was the same and he ended up having a complete break down one day after a rage. I do not want to be like him, that's what I aim for to keep me more sane.

I'm mrs angry too FofT, but unlike you haven't been brave enough to ask for help. I think part of my problem is my 'ormones so I am taking evening primrose oil which seems to help. If you think this is contributing to your anger it might be worth trying.

I think identifyign what's behind your anger is really helpful, as others have suggested - I know this is what the psych is supposed to do but you could start to think about it.

in my case I think I am really afraid of failing at things - study, work, being a mum - and I can't cope with those feelings. So I get angry. I'm angry at myself of course but I take it out on other people. I was extremely angry with DD1 for a long time after she was born. I found her hard to cope with, i felt I was a failure as a mum and it made me scared and angry. I still feel like that sometimes but since I had dd2 things have improved.

Liek soem of the other posters I had an angry mum. I was scared of her anger and angry at her for being angry all the time. But I never said anything to her. She was often really hostile to my dad and I always remember the feelign of tension in the house.

Sorry to go on about my situation (but it's good to get it off my chest!)but I hope you can identify with some of what I've said. I think it's great that you are asking for help. Good luck.