Toxic Family and Christmas

[theeverydaydancer]

After a lifetime's worth of misery I decided to go pretty much completely no contact with my toxic parents in September this year. I feel this has been one of the best decisions of my life and wish I had done it years and years ago. The only contact I have with them now is the occasional times that they come have a day with my DD who they may take out somewhere or have her overnight.

My mum has been badgering me about what my plans are for Christmas. I've been really blunt with her this morning - saying I won't be spending any time with them over the holidays, that I don't want any presents and that my plans are none of her business.

She has come back saying I should have more respect for "my old mother" which just makes me think all the times she has shown me a total lack of respect.

Don't really know the point of this thread other than just to vent.

Lots of good advice here. You will never change your mother and she has no intention of changing herself. The distress she is causing you now will be as nothing to the distress she will cause when she tries to turn your daughter against you and it seems that this process has already begun.

Please don't let her guilt trip you into doing something that will, ultimately, lead to damaging your daughter and her relationship with you.

No You are not being mean.I can see why you're so screwed up emotionally because you feel guilty and everyone thinks the parent /child,
parent/grandchild bond is sacred, but as a 66 year old grandmother I would never dream of saying those sort of things to my grandchild. Her mother and my son are not together (she threw him out), but she is a lovely caring mother and I'd never dream of manipulating my granddaughter's feelings. That's spite, not love.
I would give them an ultimatum. Cut the criticism and undermining or lose their granddaughter
By the way, what is your father's share in all of this?

Every day dancer do we have the same mother seriously do we. Sounds like the same tedious claptrap my mother comes out with. Half hearted attempt at manipulation that worked before I became an adult vent away my dear I know where you are coming from.