My friend's daughter really gets to me... what do you think?

[Nicol06]

My really good friend of 25 yrs has a 15 year old daughter and a 10 year old daughter, I have a six year old son. We chat to each other every week and see each other reasonably regularly. Her 10 year old is delightful, but the 15 year old... well ow can I put it??!! I'm afraid I'm going to say something pretty soon.

She openly talks about people within their hearing distance. She rolls her eyes at people and makes fun of them behind their backs. She will even glare openly at people she doesn't like (and she doesn't seem to like many people). If her friend or her cousin is with her, she is 10 times worse. She nudges her friend with her elbow when someone says something she doesn't like/finds laughable with, and she gestures to her friend as if to say "this person is an idiot" or something similar. It is SO obvious. She doesn't seem to even try and hide it... it's as if she has to ridicule everyone. One of her mother's friends doesn't speak to her anymore because she got so offended with this 15 yr old's behaviour, and I can understand why. This girl was quite nice with me for a long time but recently she's been treating me the same way - I saw her & her mother yesterday and I noticed she was rolling her eyes and nudging her friend while we were talking, and she was quite rude/abrupt when I spoke to her. I don't know what her problem is but I actually said to her yesterday "Why did you elbow your friend... is there something wrong?" because it annoys me so much. She seemed a bit taken aback but I just hope it doesn't affect my relationship with her mother, as she is a nice person. What do you think about her behaviour & would you confront the situation?? She really is quite openly rude.

That's meant to be "HOW can I put it"

I would ignore it, it sounds like typical teenage behaviour, designed to get attention.

I think you did the right thing in commenting as you did - asking if there was something wrong - putting it on her NOT her mother... to think about her behaviour.

If it is any consolation - some girls get to that age and think they know it all and heaven help the rest of the world - we are just so dumb, silly, stupid or whatever... they think their rudeness is being oh so funny rather than being what it is - childish rudeness. She probably thinks it makes her look 'good' in front of her mates - so trying to fit in and be 'cool' In fact it is very immature behaviour.... but I do think you did the right thing on commenting on her behaviour and asking if something was wrong.

The mother must realise if it is as open as you say - perhaps she hopes it is just a 'phase' that she will grow out of....

hope that helps.

sounds like a typicl teenager going through that awful phase when they do all sorts of horrid things to get attention
I would ignore it

Her mother DOES realise it, eidsvold - she's told me before about the trouble she has with her daughter & I know she's been embarrassed by her behaviour. She can just be so unpleasant - it's a shame because she was trying hard to be nice for a while and I actually felt comfortable around her, but now it's this really bitchy behaviour all over again. She must think people are absolutely stupid & don't see that she's making fun of them, but it stands out like a sore thumb because she's so open about it. As her mother says, one day she'll pick the wrong person to do it to & then goodness knows what will happen.

I guess it's just getting to me because it's hard for me to feel comfortable with her mother when this girl is around.

From what you've said nicol I think that she is probably well aware that people know she is ridiculing them. I think that you did exactly the right thing. She is probably trying to make people feel uncomfortable and you turned the tables on her. I would continue to make little comments like that, for example if she rolls her eyes a lot you could aske her if she has a twitch . I wouldn't do it every time but just enough to make her feel uneasy about doing it to you at least. i think it's either that or ignore it.

Lol Christie, I blame the hormones, I know that I woke up on my 13th birthday and couldn't believe how little my parents and teachers understood

hormones, i agree , 15 a difficult and silly age. Maybe she just hasnt developed her social skills yet.