Giving relationship advice

[vvviola]

What do you do when friends ask you for relationship advice? I'm not talking about an abusive relationship, but a long marriage that just isn't working.

I've always been good as a sounding board for relationship issues with friends, but those were often shorter term relationships without children, marriage, property involvement etc.

I had a newish friend come around upset today and I really felt she was looking for advice, and I just wasn't sure what to do other than offer tea and a listening ear, but I felt like I'd let her down by not having concrete advice for her.

I find in situations like that, where I have no experience if it myself, I tend to just ask them questions & their answers often become their own advice.
I.e 'how is this making you feel?'
'What do you want the outcome of the situation to be?'
Sometimes you're just there so they've got someone to listen to & be heard though so you don't always need to give advice, you just being around will have helped hugely I'm sure.

I think tea and a listening ear sounds like plenty. And I guess the big thing is not judging how they feel and letting them know it's ok to feel whatever they do. They are probably used to having people foist explanations on them and try to explain away their feelings or problems because everybody has such a lot invested in a long marriage.

I ask questions. I want my friends to come to their own conclusions about what the problems are and what can be done. I don't offer a definite opinion, I also try to get her to see things from the partners view. Quite often what she sees as unreasonable from him is actually a reaction to him being very frustrated and feeling rejected.