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Original poster

Gutted, looks like good friends are splitting?

21 replies

FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/12/2013 23:01

Sad

Basically it's all down to him flirting around another female friend X. The DW has had enough. She says he stares at X, has said 'he'd have her' when X was saying she felt old. Said this in front of DW.

It doesn't sound bad but I know I wouldn't like it. There's more to it too. I don't think he's cheated but he is giving X too much attention. He is a major flirt, very complimentary but doesn't compliment DW. Says he's with her isn't he so why should he?

He's such a good bloke in other ways but if he's making his DW feel like this then it's bad.

I hope they can salvage this? I suggested Relate to DW but she said there's no point.

Just wanted to offload really as am keeping this to myself. She told me in confidence. None are on MN.

OP posts:
tribpot · 02/12/2013 23:14

He sounds very dismissive of his wife - I would imagine there is more to this going on behind closed doors. It's very easy to be a 'good bloke' to the outside world but not such a good bloke at home, you only have to read MN to see that.

However, this could also just be two people who have tired of each other, and are better off apart. I wouldn't push Relate, accept her decision and see what she confides over time.

The end of a relationship can challenge a lot of the relationships around it, so this could be a bit of a bumpy ride for you all. Is there any practical support you can offer to whichever of them is moving out? I do a good line in assisting in flat-hunting - always welcome, I think, if you're used to doing stuff like that as part of a couple.

Original poster
FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/12/2013 23:21

I know they still love each other that's the awful thing about it. He will happily tell me how great she is. He can't tell her. She's gutted but very strong willed so won't accept this.

One thing in their favour is they have cash. She's a very clever woman and will be able to find a place to live and survive quite well. Thanks for the offer though tribot x

Yes it'll be a very bumpy ride if it does come to a split. My dp will be gutted he loves them both. I like them both but get on better with her. I find him quite false at times.

OP posts:
comingintomyown · 02/12/2013 23:27

Sorry but he sounds nasty "Hes with her and that's enough "?

Sounds like something my shit of an XH would say

tribpot · 02/12/2013 23:27

Sounds like he's willing to lose his marriage rather than accept he was wrong. If they're telling you the whole story, which it doesn't really sound like they are.

Twinklestein · 02/12/2013 23:32

Maybe she finds him quite false too.

If he loves her why has he treated her the way he has?

Cabrinha · 02/12/2013 23:33

I'm sure all my STBXH's mates think it's a shame we split.
He's an srsehole.
He sounds like one too.
Good luck to her!

EllieInTheRoom · 02/12/2013 23:40

^^
Exactly what cabrinha said

My STBX knows exactly how brilliant I am, but forgt about that for three years.

His friends and family are all terribly shocked, a lot of them say they are "saddened". They don't have a clue what he is like to live with.

I expect there is much more to this then you know about

Original poster
FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/12/2013 23:41

Yes she does find him false. She hates the gushing he does to other women.

He's very stubborn. I feel he's taken her for granted but he'll get a shock.

She's not perfect but who is? She doesn't want her dcs to go through this though and has tried to sort it.

I'll support her over him and think my dp will be the same tbh. I know it's not nice to take sides but I will.

OP posts:
Original poster
FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/12/2013 23:45

Oh I'm divorced. My mother was incredulous that I was leaving. I ended up screaming at her. She put up with an awful marriage to my dad so it was alien to her. I was only coping with a sexless marriage and the rest. Exdh and I are still friends though.

It is awful for friends and family but it can make you ill when you're going through it. And dcs aren't daft, they know.

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Twinklestein · 02/12/2013 23:50

I bet a whole lot more will come out about his behaviour once they split.

It's very manipulative to ostentatiously flirt with and compliment other women, and pointedly not compliment his wife. It's a way of undermining her.

tribpot · 02/12/2013 23:51

You're not really painting a good picture of this marriage!

So there is a regular pattern of fawning over other women, but it sounds like this time he's taken it a step further, even if not into an actual affair. Don't be surprised if she turns up as his girlfriend soon after the split.

You hadn't mentioned they have dc - important thing now is that they get stability and an amicable split happening quickly. Is one of them intending to move out before Xmas? (Not one of the dc, obviously!)

Original poster
FreakinScaryCaaw · 03/12/2013 00:57

No she's going to brave it over Christmas. Although who knows what will happen?

OP posts:
tribpot · 03/12/2013 07:46

So the kids don't know anything yet? I appreciate it is very close to Christmas but this seems like a very stressful situation.

worsestershiresauce · 03/12/2013 08:03

I can guarantee there is more to this than she is telling you. No one splits up a long marriage with dcs over a little bit of harmless flirting.

RollerCola · 03/12/2013 08:20

Yes there will definitely be more to it. I only told my family the bare bones of what my husband got up to when we split. They were upset enough as it was, I couldn't face putting them through all the grim details.

Just support her & be a friendly ear if she needs it.

MadBusLady · 03/12/2013 08:29

I would take her side too. She is probably getting a barrage of conciliating bullshit and imprecations to go to Relate, "work on it", put up and shut up etc so that other people can have their precious social status quo maintained. Be the exception and save your guttedness for her that things (whatever they turn out to be) have driven her to this.

Original poster
FreakinScaryCaaw · 03/12/2013 14:30

She's livid. He's being a total arse.

Yes her dc know as he's in another bedroom. She's worrying he'll spoil Christmas?

He's even clomping round the house in workboots after she's cleaned.

OP posts:
tribpot · 03/12/2013 14:37

Sounds like he's gearing up to act like a spoilt child and ruin Christmas for everyone. I'd have him out beforehand and come back for the present opening. You might successfully be able to play happy families if both parties are co-operating, but certainly not like this.

Kundry · 03/12/2013 16:10

I'd support her in getting him out before Christmas. The kids know, it's confusing for them to have Daddy at home but not together with Mummy, and it sounds as if the git is going to ruin Christmas anyway.

It's one Christmas, she can make it as good as possible without him and next year will be much much better.

TalkativeJim · 03/12/2013 16:16

From your first post, he sounds like a complete prick...

...and your later posts confirm it :)

If he's like that in front of her friends - flirting and sliming and embarrassing her in public - can you imagine what a twat he is in private?

Support her. Applaud her. And ditch him.

Original poster
FreakinScaryCaaw · 03/12/2013 22:40

I have a feeling he'll be out before Christmas? She sounded so angry today when I rang to see how she was.

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