Feel guilty

[Mrswellyboot]

NC

I dislike my dp sister. Lots of reasons. She is snooty, a brag, bit spiteful with her comments. I just can't be bothered at all.

Anyway, I have distanced myself and am polite but I never text or ring or call in. They live two hours away so it isn't really obvious anyway as it would be if they were local. Anyway, we had a family function on Saturday and I deliberately stayed away from her. Smiled over made light chit chat at the end.

She knows I am usually chatty and friendly and close to mil who she has asked what has she done.

I feel awful being so false as falseness is my pet hate, yet look what I am doing. But if I get too friendly she pisses me off to the point I'd chew my arm off with her horrible ways.

I wish I could be nicer and stop being so bloody sensitive when she rambles on. Grrrr. Her husband is worse.

It's just going to be awkward now at every occasion. I don't know how to make things better.

I think for the sake of the family being more or less harmonious you are going to have to try and make a bit of an effort at family occasions. Like you said, it's hit often that you see her anyway. Also if she is saying or doing something that you don't like or agree with you can challenge her, not in a confrontational way but you don't have to just sit there and shut up, I think that would be better thank keeping your distance when she has no idea why. I totally get that it must be hard but she's not going anywhere so you'll have to find a way to manage it I think x

Thank you Roz. Yes I need to get over it and be nicer. I don't think I will confront her. If she has got to this stage of her life without realising her ways, I don't want to be the one correct her. It's only a few times a year.

We haven't much in common but I will think of stuff to talk to her about

Mrswellyboot my STBXH's sister also makes me want to chew my arm off in horrible ways. But luckily she lives in Australia Isn't it weird how occasionally you will meet someone whose face you literally want to shove a sock into.

I think you are going to have to grin and bear it. When we stayed with SIL (intense, as visited for three weeks every couple of years) the only way I could cope was by "debriefing" afterwards with and a bit of ranting. Is there a sympathetic, unconnected friend who can "debrief" with you after the next occasion?

MrsWellyBoot I have so much sympathy for you I could have written this myself . My sil has always been like this with me, though dh says it's all in my head and he refuses to get involved, I really don't know what the solution is . But it's that bad I have thought about throwing in the towel , hopefully some lovely mumsnetters will be along with some pearls of wisdom

My mil of all people confided in me that her dh family weren't nice to her at all in the early days of marriage. It was like she read my mind!! But I don't let her know my feelings, that would be below the belt.

I can cope with seeing her. Just. I think it is the guilt I am struggling with. Dp should visit more. He used to live near them and visited all the time. I think he is worried about suggesting visits as he knows of my dislike for them.

I really try to be nice. I made photo books of her children from special occasions etc but then I feel worse for being so false. In my house we all get things of our chest and laugh off rows etc clear the air...
but dp and family aren't like that of Bil slags them.they blush and keep quiet.

Hi wellyboots, I think you should try not to feel guilty...it's not your fault you don't like her. I didn't necessarily mean to suggest confront her about the way you feel or her behaviour but you don't always have to bite your tongue in conversation with her. You have the right to express opinion too.good luck!