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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Today I am falling apart :-(

36 replies

Mosschops30 · 02/12/2013 11:42

Off sick with a cold I can't shift.
Decree nisi through
Just rang ex in tears saying I will always love him, have cried so hard. He said we could've fixed it but it's gone too far and now we can't.

Please come and hand hold, I'm still crying

OP posts:

Cluffyflump · 03/12/2013 11:06

Because it just isn't. Really.
He didn't share the responsibilities though did he?
He was very selfish and could be crule with it.
It hurts like hell, but that doesn't mean you were wrong.

Original poster

Mosschops30 · 03/12/2013 11:10

It does hurt so so much because I love him like no one else.
What if I never get that again?
I can't go through life thinking I fucked up the big love of my life

OP posts:

HappyJustToBe · 03/12/2013 11:10

You will get through this. You will.

Your children have a family even if you two are not together and this way they have the benefit of you not being dragged down by him.

I have divorced parents. I love them both but my Dad will always have a special place in my heart for never criticising my Mum and supporting our relationship with her. My Mum was and is quick to criticise.

Support your children in their relationship and be kind to yourself. This is not something you need to carry guilt for.

Cluffyflump · 03/12/2013 11:14

Just carrying on for the sake of the children doesn't work.
It would have been worse for them.
You are run down and tired now and it's all got on top of you. Trying to be everything to everyone and you've had a bit of a burn out. Not surprising!
You won't feel this way for long, it just feels like it.
Fuck it. Have a hug manly shoulder squeeze.

Original poster

Mosschops30 · 03/12/2013 11:18

I have been so happy for 9 months, this has hit me like a sack of shit

OP posts:

tinkertaylor1 · 03/12/2013 11:27

Once he had sex with me even though he knew I didn't want it, I lay still through the whole thing but he carried on like it was normal.

He had no respect for me, my career, sexually

He could sulk and not speak to me for days

You are doing the right thing. ^^^ the above is unacceptable.

You will get past this and you will be loved again

read the above list that you stated over and over.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 03/12/2013 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Mosschops30 · 03/12/2013 11:42

Thank you, this is helping, I need to stop looking on it so fondly

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/12/2013 11:44

Let it all out. You're at a low ebb physically and so emotionally this will have hit you harder than expected.

Better to get this out of your system now. Horrendous now but it's a watershed. As you recover you'll think more clearly. Those nine months you got by fine weren't a happy accident. Whatever reasons caused you to separate I doubt it was a snap decision.

Hope you are on the mend soon .

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 03/12/2013 11:46

Gold wtf is wrong with you ? How dare you play on a poster's very understandable regret and tears at the tangible end of a marriage she fought very hard for, for a very long time.

Take your crusade against the posters on the Relationships board away from sensitive threads like this and check your fucking empathy switch, it seems to be turned down to zero.

Sorry, mosschops, I remember your old threads and how much you gave to a man that was never going to meet you halfway. What you are feeling is natural, but no less sad. Take care x

tessa6 · 03/12/2013 11:53

Moss, when we lose something there's an uncontrollable neurological response, automatically framing it as more positive than it was. It's a panic thing, the self hates to 'lose' anything; support, physical protection, material wealth, comfort, stability and we play tricks with ourselves to avoid the awful awful short-term pain of loss, even if the thing we are losing is very very bad for us long term.

Soon, this turns to a healthy rationalization and an objectivity that it was in the end the right thing to do. By going through this and making this choice you are, in a way, proving that. It is so hard that you wouldn't have gone through all of this and made this decision if your situation wasn't dire emotionally. You just wouldn't. You didn't reach the point of separation blithely. Trust that your core knew best and still does. Try and feel some strength from the fact that you are now out of that awful period of ambivalence, will you won't you, a trap. You are now free and clear and you will meet someone else.

It is sad that not cheating on you, looking after you when you are ill and not hitting you are what you list fondly, OP. Two of those are just absences of insanely inappropriate behavior that everyone should expect in life generally and no one should be 'grateful' for, and the other is something pretty much anyone would do for an animal they found in the road.

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