how is this my life now

[spongebobmum]

I'll try not to dripfeed... usually a lurker but I need to get this out.
I lost my mother this year, I don't know what to say about that, not sure if I'm even getting over it.
I had a dc a couple of months, my 2nd but 1st with dp. He's great with the baby
Not so great with my ds from previous relationship. Ds is acting up, tantrums etc since baby came. Normal I think, though he's quite bold during them. He can be very whiney apart from this too, which is wearing, it often starts first thing in the am which doesn't help.
Dp was always pretty good with him, ds is 4 and a half and dp is with us ince he was a baby. But lately I've realised how little time he has for ds acting out... I feel desparately bad for ds, wondering if we have any future right now.
Not sure the point of posting but I need to at least vent if nothing else, thanks for reading if you got this far

DH became very protective of DS2 when DS1 was around. I think it was like DH was used to DS1 being a toddler and looked at DS2 as being very fragile due to size and helplessness. Both DS are DH. DS1 acted up a bit as well and DH was very short with him (not that he would admit it!).

I thinks sometimes men go into protective mode over the baby and forget the feelings of others. He may not realise how he is treating DS as in his mind he isn't doing anything differently but is just protecting the baby. DS1 was is a Mummy's boy so I think that may have added a bit to it.

This phase didn't last long but I think you can appear to be harder of the eldest DC as they are older and should know better.

Hope this is it for you and it's nothing more x

Your son may be acting up to get attention. Mine did. I tried very hard to handle the situation but I don't think that one parent can do that alone.

I am also sorry about your loss and agree that it would be best to take your time reaching any decisions. And get as much help and advice as you can.

I dont mean to project but just reading your posts make me tearful. I have the most dysfunctional family and I cannot ever see my kids getting along together.

Thanks so much, had a word with dp and he seems to realise now how serious this is. We are going to have a talk this eve when he's finished work, hopefully it will make some difference.
I know he would do anything to make us work but he needs to do it for the right reasons, and realise the problem before we can work on fixing it.
Posting on here is making it a lot clearer in my mind which should help, hopefully so thanks so much for all the replies, really appreciated

That sounds more positive op-

I would say go easy on yourself- its v hard having your baby without your mum around- its like losing them all over again.

And also, unless he is a twat, go easy on your dp- having your first child - and it is his first child however bonded he is with your ds- is a mind blowing and overwhelming thing. He won't get it right all the time.

Wishing you well...

Thank you, I know you are right about him, he isn't a twat at all and I need to go easy with him... we'll have a good chat later, I'll update after that when I get a chance.
Thank you all so much,

Glad to hear you, and DH, have made some progress on this, sponge. That's good news.

btw, if this is indeed your DH not quite getting it right, I doubt this is unusual or uncommon. Lots of blended families about! Perhaps have a word with your HV who could well have some things up her sleeve that could be a help to you all.

Good luck with it all.

I also think that its hard for a slightly older child to accept a new addition to the family. DS1 & 2 are 9yo and 7yo older than DS3, and they found it much harder to share their parents, DH and I, with their newborn brother, than they did with each other when we had them, IYSWIM.

The disruption of a newborn to them was so much harder than it was to us. DH was very protective of DS3, as he was so much smaller, so it escalated. DH and I discussed why it was so much harder, discussed it with the DS's, and, once we explained that he wasn't a toy to be given back, it was so much easier.

Remember also that DS1 has lost his Grandma, but he may not be able to express his sadness well at his age. Does he talk about her?

Sorry for all you are dealing with and hope it gets better soon. Have some

Hi, just wanted to update after getting so much helpful advice from you all...
Things are a lot better since dp and I had a talk, he didn't realise how bad things were and since then things are more li,e they used to be, he is giving ds more attention and being v patient with him, ds behaviour is improing and we are all trying to adjust to things!
Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply, it really helped

Thats great

Hopefully it was just a blip and everything will be better now

Good luck