What should dh do about his mothers very childish tantrummy behaviour?

[Mintyy]

Poor dh. He's worked a 70 hour week this week, including 3 evenings, all day yesterday and all day today.

It is probably about 10 days since he called his mum, he usually phones her once a week. But she does an evening class on Monday and he worked Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evening (not at home) and had Friday evening off.

Anyway, she left a really arsey message on our landline answerphone yesterday. All "we haven't heard from you for a while" and lots of annoyance in her voice because she wants to know what the children want for Christmas and we haven't got back to her yet.
She finished the message with "and your father and I have both got colds and we don't feel well".

So, dh got home from work at 7, fed the children (I was out last night) called his mother back and asked her not to leave passive aggressive messages on our answerphone, he is 49 not 4, he's had an extremely busy week, has hardly seen any of us and we just haven't had time to come up with Christmas present ideas for everyone - which we also have to do for ALL other members of our extended family. He just felt hassled and wanted to put that across.

So his mother put the phone down on him!!

What should he do now?

Ignore her.

I'm sure he's capable of deciding for himself. :) Don't overreact just because someone has got a bit tetchy.

Aye ^^

Yep ignore her.

When you have thought of idea ring up and let her know in a bright and breezy manner

Good for DH spelling it out. And yes, ignore her.

Yes definitely ignore. There was no need for her message, and he was perfectly reasonable to let her know that.

Agree - ignore for about a week and see what happens. I don't think one crap week all round (his busyness, their illness) should become the start of a major breach - so no enduring standoffs. But a cooling off period will, I hope, help.

I think something snapped in him and he decided he wouldn't be spoken to like that any more. Apparently they had a perfectly civil conversation until he said "you are basically hassling me Mum" and then the phone went down. He was really shocked. He never has cross words with her normally, he is extremely accommodating.

Dh wanted me to ask Mn.

Ignore. Wait for her to phone back. If its another crappy message ignore that too.

Apart from anything ese I would be irked by the whole 'Christmas prsent ideas' demand. I tend to say ' I have to come up with ideas from me, from santa and from the children to each other. If you really can't think of a single thing then maybe give it a miss'
People are dull.

It drives me up the wall Paggy! If they are worried about buying duplicates or something unsuitable, why can't they come up with a few ideas and ask me which would be ok?

It is just such HARD WORK!

My 4 siblings, dh's 1 sibling and my mum will also expect us to think for them.

I must put my foot down over this, I really must.

Ignore and forgive - MIL is old, weedy, feeling crap, and overexcited about Xmas.

That can be the start of the next conversation

• 'what do you think they would like?'

I confess for DN I always ask SIL but normally I check it's still within the barbie/my little pony/Disney Princess sphere.

We had an almost identical situation and three weeks went by without any contact, she then rang and demanded to speak to the children, not DH
This went on for 3 months before DH had enough and they 'had it out'
They are ok now but I still feel miffed over her tantrum and have seen a whole different un pleasant side of her IYSWIM

Yes, do!
As you say, if they ask for your views on their ideas that's different. But to just sit on there arses and expect you to spoonfeed them is rubbish.
Your dh is very restrained. I would def let her stew. He was reasonable and she is just foot stamping.

Cory, mil is only 67. Me, dh and ds have all had an absolutely filthy cold over the past fortnight and we didn't slam phones down on anyone.

I used to get that from mi MIL, down to the day and hour I last spoke to her. I decide that I didn't need to put up with it at my age so went no contact. The best decision I ever made.

He's 49. His mum. Let him deal. Whatever you suggest will end up wrong.

Fully agree with everyone though up til the comment on colds. If she can't speak to him she doesn't know his pressures so can't sympathise. And vice versa. Which is really what they are fighting about. But knock that present crap on the head.

Agree with Pagwatch the demand for Xmas present ideas would have annoyed me. It's like saying "we're planning on sending a gift your way so that gives us the right to be arsey when you're not immediately available" and you're supposed to be all apologetic.

Well she hasn't phoned back. She is obviously in a massive sulk .
Silly woman.

Your DH asked you to ask MN? Nice :D

Keep calm, don't take it too seriously for one time, but if she repeats it then frankly you'll have to stand your ground. Asking her not to be arsey was perfectly reasonable and you'll have to do it again if necessary. Either slowly she'll learn, or else you'll have to simply keep acting the same way while she throws a strop

Dear Mintyy's DH, you have made a great start by laying down the law and setting boundaries. Like any toddler, your DM will now need you to remain utterly consistent within those boundaries. If she calls and berates you, tell her calmly that you will not tolerate rudeness and that you will put the phone down until such time as she can speak to you with her polite voice. Do not raise your voice at any time, because staying calm and polite will give you the moral high ground it is better to be polite, but do not tolerate any bullshit nonsense from her.

If you have decided to rebalance the relationship with your DM, now is the time to do it - you have taken the first step. Rest assured, you are doing the right thing for yourself, for your family and for your DM.

Absolutely what ^ pointy said.